Posted tagged ‘michael feldman’

Good as Gold Non-Pre-Existing Conditions

May 9, 2017

Good as Gold Non-Pre-existing Conditions

 

  1. Hemorrhoids (first occurrence)
  2. Sucker punch received, unless you’re just the sucker punch type
  3. Walking through new patio door you forgot to put a sticker on
  4. Intro to Zumba injury
  5. Meteor strike (direct hit)
  6. Foul ball to the head at Cubs game while interfering with outfielder on crucial play of playoff game
  7. Cold and hot flashes—hot and cold flashes are not covered
  8. A certified rare disease, unlikely condition, or don’t know what’s wrong with you but it looks pretty bad
  9. Near death experience if you can produce a souvenir from Heaven or Hell or a postcard from Purgatory
  10. Lady problems if it’s your first time as a lady.

Problems in Podcasting 5: Timeliness

June 17, 2016

Hot topics for Michael Feldman in this undated podcast include the Star Wars anti-missile system, the ERA, the unauthorized biography of Frank Sinatra, Daddy Warbucks taking over at CBS news, and Barbra Streisand threatening to sing Yentl.

 

All the Trump News That Isn’t

June 6, 2016

6-6-16

 

We live in an age when Riley is the man and Justin is the dog.

 

‘All the Trump News That Isn’t’ begins with a disclaimer:

Donald Trump has passed the point where stupid is provocative; it is now merely stupid.

  1. Trump’s African-American fails to respond to his summons.
  2. “I’m building a wall it’s an inherent conflict of interest” was not the incoherent rant of a man on the bus.
  3. Great relief as Californians learn there is no drought.
  4. Calling Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas earned the response “You’re Stinky Pete the Prospector.”
  5. When non-existent global warming submerges your golf course where will you drop the ball?
  6. 3500 harassment suits do not necessarily indicate a great legal mind.
  7. In his defense, Fraud was the most popular major at Trump U.
  8. No you cannot tweet the State of the Union.
  9. I hope you have kidnapping insurance, although that would be The Ransom of Yellow Chief.
  10. A man who can’t backdate checks to prove donations he didn’t make is not presidential.

Glad I got that out of the way, because I won’t be here to help you through the Trump administration.

Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton, Bush 2, Obama–c’mon enough’s enough.

In All the Non-Trump News That Isn’t–

Cavs and the Warriors, Beast and the Beauty.

 

Dad of the 6 year old who turned him in for running a red light tells him “I’m very proud of you, see you when you’re 18.”

 

Sure enough, the woman whose 3 year old tumbled into the Gorilla Enclosure was back the next week with the other one.

Because you can’t take one and not the other.

 

Speaking of child rearing, I just hope the boy left in the forest for 6 days has learned an important lesson about parenting.

 

Proponents of Brexit–the UK leaving the EU–have  taken the Trump approach:

Let’s Make Great Britain Great Again.

Great Great Britain?

Great Again Britain?

Great Squared Britain?

Jolly Good Britain?

 

The fact that American nuclear alerts are on floppy disc at least gives you a little time to think.

That they are delivered by Paper Clip Guy, though, is disturbing.

 

After 15 months Taylor Swift breaks up with someone name Calvin Harris.

Meanwhile, “Calvin,” shoots to number 1 on iTunes.

 

With AHI–artificial horn intelligence–Google self-driving cars can now lean on the horn if you’re not out of the house pretty quick, and can play “Dixie” at intersections in the South.

 

Facebook AI–‘Deep Text’–said to have near human accuracy.

Hell, I have near human accuracy.

 

And, Roots 2 is such a success that next– 2 Fiddlers on the Roof.

 

That’s All the News That Isn’t4c629cd466b15.image

Tweet if You Get Work (Refiredment)

June 3, 2016

Tweet if You Get Work (Refiredment)

 

 

CaJfR2YUcAAnCOj

 

 

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 6m6 minutes ago

damn I’ve been talking to the #algore from u rent furniture in denver #LinkedIn #refiredment

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 16m16 minutes ago

dont see a #caitjenner solution for me #refiredment

too easy to fall back on inspirational speaker #refiredment

can’t go back to english teaching because I suspect these kids would not find simon & garfunkel groovy #refiredment

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 20m20 minutes ago

on the other hand in commercial radio would have been fired 30 times in 30 years #refiredment

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 21m21 minutes ago

radio went the way of radio shack #refiredment

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 23m23 minutes ago

was nice to people on way up doesn’t help #refiredment

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 26m26 minutes ago

the jobs I’m qualified for don’t exist anymore. liveryman. #refiredment

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 28m28 minutes ago

one thing for sure don’t have time to work my way up #refiredment

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 29m29 minutes ago

I mean I wouldn’t have to work at all but I need the proof of existence

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 31m31 minutes ago

I’ve done the celeb cab driver thing around here & people don’t tip you because they think you don’t need it #refiredment

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 33m33 minutes ago

see they got 2 guys in the #badgerpopcorn truck so they probably don’t need nobody

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 43m43 minutes ago

what I won’t be is somebody’s little ride ho #uber

Michael Feldman@myfeldman 44m44 minutes ago

just remembered I could go back to driving cab! #unioncab #refiredment

Problems in Podcasting 3: Say Anything

June 1, 2016

Problems in Podcasting 2: No Audience

May 25, 2016

Of An Uncertain Age

November 4, 2015

You Are of An Uncertain Age If:
* Font is more and more of a consideration
*Your Dagwood Bumstead allusions fall on deaf ears
* You find yourself ending sentences with “. . . like so many of them do now.”
*You sing the song “Till I Was You.”
*Having lived this long you could indulge in any number of extreme behaviors and not have it affect your longevity and yet you don’t.
*You have 12 pack abs.
*Passing women give you a meaningless smile.
*Your children appear to be suffering you badly.
*You can’t remember your mantra or even if you had one.
*Any sagging is not a fashion statement.
*You have many blessings but they’re all in disguise.
*While you have long spoken to (select) inanimate objects, increasingly you engage them in animated conversation.
*Finding your coffee cold you are saddened.
*Your feet embarrass you and almost never make you proud.
*Increasingly, you sound like your mother imitating your father.
* No, you have more of a ‘rhymes with bucket’ list.
* Sitting robed in easy chair with pipe and slippers you dare spontaneous human consumption.

28new1