Whad'ya Know?

2-24-14

President Obama met the Dalai Lama. Or at least that’s where he told his wife he was going.

Chinese upset because they make a knockoff Dali Lama. Inflatable–have to go right up and squeeze it.

Ted Nugent does not meet the Dalai Lama.

Please no more “rocker Ted Nugent.” Off his rocker Ted Nugent, fine.

Someday he’ll pick his teeth with a loaded squirrel gun and that will be that.

Around here, we’re hoping Ted will come help Scott Walker’s campaign.

In the Art-Historygate scandal, President Obama apologizes for saying Caravaggio’s use of chiaroscuro was gratuitous. Hey, that’s all I got out of 101.

That, and way too many Mary and the Baby’s. Give me a break–supposed to be a Renaissance.

Anyway, the want ads are filled with Art Historians wanted.

Ends up costing the Russians $3,846,153,846 per gold.

USA raked in the bronze which, from a distance, looks very much like gold.

It’s just standing in that #3 spot looking up at some Canuck jumping up and down.

I don’t begrudge Canada–what else do they have? Heated steering wheels, strong beer, lot of opportunity for winter sports.

Cossacks whipping Pussy Riot with horsewhips has been made a permanent event at the Winter Games.

I’m Pussy Riot, I want Cossacks with horsewhips on the video.

Russians know how to deal with rock stars–should hand Ted Nugent over to them.

At the North and South Korea reunion, a lot of families can’t find their uncles.  Auntie doing pretty good though.

New Edward Snowden action figure brandishes a thumb drive.

Snowden was elected rector at the University of Glasgow, but got almost as many votes for rectum.

Seems like a big deal, but the race for Glasgow rector was between Snowden and Woody Allen.

Scientists find that man’s and dog’s brains very nearly identical, but dogs keep theirs a lot cleaner.

Supreme Court finds executive authority pretty much like parental authority. Illusory.

Other scientists conclude that sitting down is a disease, but it’s not the sitting down it’s the getting up.

For many over 60 sitting is a good compromise between standing and falling over. Lot of complications from falling over.

Plan to split California into 6 ungovernable states advances.

Ca-li-for-nia . I only get 4.

Mark Zuckerberg gives another kid in jeans and a hoodie $19 Billion for a makeover.

All for a very white sounding WhatsApp while the African-American app WassSup gets nothing.

Post Office announces Steve Jobs stamp will, ironically, power snail mail.

Brett Favre looks at Johnny Manziel sees young Brett Favre, Johnny Manziel looks at old Brett Favre sees good reason to learn a trade.

Other than Art History.

That’s All the News That Isn’t

The 14’s—All 21 Up to 2014

14: Yeshua son of Joseph, following much talked about bar mitzvah, apprentices as carpenter.

114: Yuanchu era of the Chinese Eastern Han Dynasty gets off to promising start under precocious 12 year old Emperor Liu Hu.

214: Roman Emperor Claudius II, who would crush the Goths once and for all at the Battle of Naissus, is born.

314: The Synod of Ancyra in Galatia, modern day Turkey, begins theological considerations highlighted by a sliding scale for the punishment of bestiality.

414: Trying to solidify his tenuous hold on the Western Roman Empire, Emperor Honorius marries off sister Galla Placidia to the Visigothic King Ataulf.

514: Cissa of Sussex, part of the original Anglo-Saxon invasion which slaughtered local Britons down to the last, becomes King of South Saxony and founder of Chichester.

614: The Persian army, led by Shahrbaraz and reinforced by Jewish rebels under Benjamin of Tiberias, lays siege to and conquers Jerusalem.

714: Birth of Pepin the Short, King of the Franks, whose success in consolidating much of Germany will be considerably overshadowed by that of his son, Charlemagne, aka Charles the Great, aka Father of Europe, who, himself dies in

814:

914:  Vikings, under Jarl Ottar or Ottar Jarl (mentioned in the Saga of Olaf Tryggvasson) rid Ireland of the Irish.

1014:  Cnut, who may have been dyslexic, is proclaimed King of England by the Vikings while retaining the Danish throne to have something to fall back on.

1114:  In what has to be his best or at least a very good year, ambitious Ramon Berenguer III of Barcelona and his Pisan allies conquer Ibiza and Mallorca.

1214: After besieging Beijing for over a year Genghis Khan and his Mongol hordes level the city and send Emperor Xuanzong packing.

1314: On 24 June the most decisive battle in the First War of Scottish independence, The Battle of Bannockburn (Blàr Allt a’ Bhonnaich) is won after Robert the Bruce’s men pepper the road with potholes greatly aggravating Edward II’s troops.

1414: The Tibetan Lama Je Tsongkhapa unites the Sutric and Tantric paths of Buddhism during one memorable evening in the spring.

1514: Massive fire devastates the Rialto of Venice despite the abundance of water due to low hose pressure.

1614: On April 5^th Pocahontas (‘Playful One’), the Powhatan princess who intervened on behalf of John Smith, marries English tobacco planter John Rolfe when Smith not ready to settle down.

1714: “10 poor boys and 10 poor girls” are enrolled in the first co-ed school, Archbishop Tenison’s Church of England High School, Croydon.

1814: Denmark cedes Norway to Sweden getting only West Pomerania in return.

1914: The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo sets in motion events leading to World War One and the Glasgow band.

2014: The Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare, a universal health insurance mandate not universally welcomed, goes into effect in the United States.

Pepin the Short