40th Anniversary Reissues of 70’s Groundbreakers
I’m OK You’ve Really Gone Downhill
Your Phreaking Cell Phone from The Anarchists New Cookbook
The Last Sex from the wimmin who brought you The First Sex
Zen and the Art of Honda Goldwing Maintenance
A Separate Real Estate: A Yacqui Way of Flipping
Siddhartha (rev) Why the Search for Enlightenment never works in German
Steal This eBook
Happy to Be Anywhere Now
The Joy of Shmex
Open and Shut Marriage
Back in the Nest: Jonathon Livingston Siegel
The Sinuous Man by m’s grandnephew
Nothing Future Shocks Me Anymore
Well Done Cool, the Haskell Wexler classic updated
William’s Doll Has Been Through a Lot
The Satanic Bible with a forward by Christine O’Donnell
Small is Beautiful: That’s What She Said edition
Ecotage Around the House: Sabotaging Your Own Yard
The Idiots Guide to Idiots
40th Anniversary of 70’s Groundbreakers!
Posted August 29, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: 70's are back!
4oth Anniversary of 70’s!
Posted August 29, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: 70's reissues!
40th Anniversary Reissues of 70’s Groundbreakers
I’m OK You’ve Really Gone Downhill
Your Phreaking Cell Phone from The Anarchists New Cookbook
The Last Sex from the wimmin who brought you The First Sex
Zen and the Art of Honda Goldwing Maintenance
A Separate Real Estate: A Yacqui Way of Flipping
Siddhartha (rev) Why the Search for Enlightenment never works in German
Steal This eBook
Happy to Be Anywhere Now
The Joy of Shmex
Open and Shut Marriage
Back in the Nest: Jonathon Livingston Siegel
The Sinuous Man by m’s grandnephew
Nothing Future Shocks Me Anymore
Well Done Cool, the Haskell Wexler classic updated
William’s Doll Has Been Through a Lot
The Satanic Bible with a forward by Christine O’Donnell
Small is Beautiful: That’s What She Said edition
Ecotage Around the House: Sabotaging Your Own Yard
The Idiots Guide to Idiots
All the Downgraded News That Isn’t
Posted August 8, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: All the latest News that Isn't
All the News That Isn’t for 8/8/11
From a democracy to a super-committeeocracy.
Biggest thing since Supertramp.
What bad has ever come from a congressional committee?
Smart to rename it–super death panel wasn’t going to fly.
Super committee charged with finding final solution.
US loses AAA rating for B-/C+.
No loans without collateral and someone signs for Uncle Sam.
You’d think a guy who prints his own money would have a pretty good credit rating.
The United States now has the same credit rating as JD Byrider.
Thank you Tea Party! Now into the bay with you!
While you’re on break, guys, how about remedial free market economics at the community college?
S & P as in Substandard & Poorer.
On Wall Street brokers half way out the windows. The tapping on the pane may not be a pigeon.
I don’t get it, it’s not their money.
When the crash comes how’s a guy gonna hop a high speed train?
Seeing your boss with all his belongings on a stick might almost be worth it.
American eagle downgraded to turkey.
Fed considering going back on the Glen Beck standard.
Obamacare replaced with schnapps on a cotton ball.
Market whipsawing the economy but the Tea Party saved a bunch on their car insurance.
NFL allows lawyers on the line of scrimmage.
Union reps have been moved up 5 yards for fewer run backs.
FAA funding restored so the TSA can dig in again.
Romney signs a pledge saying marriage is between one man and four women.
Bachmann signs a pledge saying marriage is between one woman and whatever Marcus is.
President signs a pledge saying marriage is whatever Michele says it is.
Following Palin lead, lowland gorilla tests the waters in Iowa after movie’s release.
Without Charlton Heston the apes don’t seem so attractive.
Newest Planet of the Apes spawns Jersey Shore of the Apes, The Real Apes of the Planet and the Apedashians.
Tea Partiers flood casinos trying to cover market losses.
Down to the Dow Pre-Industrials.
Jerry Lewis won’t be doing Jerry’s McDonald’s Wipe-out Kids Telethon this year.
Paul McCartney says when I call you up your line’s been hacked.
Old Navy stock sinks after Casey Anthony buying spree.
Fat lady sings at Obama 50th birthday party.
Happy Birthday Mr. President from Marilyn Manson.
Once the AARP card arrives he’s going to feel much differently about things.
The president got the usual 50th birthday novelty gifts–candy viagra, you know you’re fifty when playing cards, the little penis crutch.
Pussycat Woods returns to links.
Jor-el named head of super committee.
Bubble universe evidence suggests Welk was right.
And maybe they’re not so stupid for re-running him on PBS after all.
New analysis suggests it may have been the heat in Dallas and not Oswald,
And studies find even a little exercise is good for the heart, so take it out and throw it around a little . . .
. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t
Our Tough Love Economy
Posted August 7, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: Tough Love Economy
Personally, I didn’t want to retire anyway, so the prospect of tough love replacing Obamacare and entitlements reimagined as privilegements hardly fazes me.
True, 72 million baby boomers will soon be going boom simultaneously, but by then our severely pruned economic tree should be sprouting a sea of suckers, and there will be much shade to be had.
Yes, I have concerns for those ahead in the demographic anaconda – you wonder if global warming might affect the number of ice floes available to the elderly, or if the time has come for Vonnegut’s Ethical Suicide Parlors – adjacent to HoJo’s – at long last. Cost of living, sure, but let’s peg it to 1959 when they were last making a living. One thing is clear: older Americans want to do their part to stop sucking at the withered public teat.
Other social issues can easily be finessed – funding Unplanned Parenthood, for example, and extending the waiting period on abortions to nine months. Unemployment benefits just reward unemployment, so that’s a no-brainer, and union dues have a much higher likelihood of payout when placed on Powerball.
While public schools are the not the demons to me that they are to many tea party educational philosophers, if we simply adopt the English approach and call public schools private and vice-versa, problem solved – and without vouchers.
Despite my personal stake in public broadcasting, I have to say that cutting back NPR to simply R is not necessarily a bad thing. “No national, no public, just radio” does not have a bad ring to it.
I know Click will do fine on his own, and if Ira Glass can’t pull off “This Former American Life,” no one can. Garrison Keillor’s retiring anyway, so at least we’ll be spared “The Where’s Gary Home Companion.”
We’ve been the world’s greatest military power for so long now that we’ve all but forgotten the days when it began and ended with the Coast Guard. The plan to cut the military back to an expeditionary force, then, should not alarm us once we realize they’ll get in a heck of a lot less trouble that way.
“Pawn Stars” has always been open to military hardware, and a lot of us secretly long to see Chumlee Russell in a Bradley Fighting Vehicle. God knows the Libyans can use the uniforms. If the world still needs a policeman, let the Canadians give it a go – they’d be a lot nicer during routine stops, anyway.
The only downside I see in cuts to the bone, besides hitting the occasional artery, are the shock waves to the economy coming from yanking out petroleum and gas subsidies. The $11 billion Exxon first quarter profit, for example, can hardly be called incentive. For $11 billion, I don’t do any more than I have to, but sweeten the pot two or three times and the trickle down will soon be a deluge that will raise all ships. And isn’t that what this is really all about?
All the News That Isn’t
Posted August 1, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: Grandpa thrown out with bathwater
August 1, 2011
President agrees to throw out grandpa with the bathwater
Apparently they don’t teach negotiation at Harvard.
One of the few recorded instances of lemmings rushing into the sea taking the cliff with them.
So, do we have to give the health care back? Can’t even get in until November.
Only thing saved from the health plan will be the death squads.
In a sporting gesture, the elderly will be allowed to bob for meds.
Yes we can, but.
Entitlements reconfigured as privilegements.
Welcome to the United States of Wisconsin.
Military reduced to an expeditionary force.
All the ungodly result of a Boehner-Reid coupling.
The 112th Congress has been replaced with Toddlers & Tiaras.
The president may still invoke the 14th amendment by rejecting citizenship and thus any responsibility for this fiasco.
Asteroid 1,000 feet across dubbed “reputation,” because it precedes us in orbit.
Post office naming deadlocked in House when tea party demands Benedict Arnold postal station at Valley Forge.
Conceal and carry circuit judge in Wisconsin wounded when he gavels his .38.
Asian carp discovered on voting rolls in Waukesha.
Americans drinking less while needing it more.
Polygamist leader represented by sister-attorneys.
Exxon profit falls to 11 billion as they feel our pain. Remember, no smoking during the Exxon trickle down.
The TSA airport security will now tuck a dollar in your waistband before the patdown.
The guy who stole all the historic documents has a bill of sale from Ben Franklin.
Chris Christie back in the deli line.
President Obama’s “we’re surrounded, Tonto” speech falls flat.
White House unleashed tweets from hell in its “yes we spam” campaign.
Julia Roberts airbrushed to match her pictures.
NFL signing week chaos sends Elisabeth Hasselbeck to the Titans.
Patriots mistakenly acquire Chad Ochonueve.
NFL lockout reduced to just Bret Favre.
In the polls, God steady, Obama down ten.
Researchers conclude Neanderthals were gerrymandered by Cro-Magnons.
McDonalds pledges an apple slice in every Happy Meal and a chicken in every McNugget, and
Paul McCartney crushes Cubs at Wrigley . . .
That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .
All the Impasse That Isn’t
Posted July 25, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: All the News That Isn't
July 25, 2011
Orange alert from Speaker Boehner.
Debt ceiling collapses on gang of 6; Cantor, at kids table, crawls away.
And they were just this far apart, as dad used to say.
Each side charging it’s the other’s default.
The government will simply “forget” to sign the checks when paying bills.
Impasse comes even after the President moved the goal posts right up to Mr. Boehner’s toe. Problem was Mitch McConnell flinched while holding the ball.
President Obama has lessened the impact of a default by taking a reverse mortgage on the white House.
Additionally, he decreed August 2nd to be September 15.
Congress passes Plan 9 from Outer Space.
When your only check and balance is Jon Stewart, you know you’re in trouble.
In other impasses–
NFL owners OK contract, will take the field in August. Got a lot of trainin’ to do, Lucy.
Space shuttle Atlantis goes condo in Huntsville, AL, subdivision, alongside some very nice converted Saturn boosters.
Now begins a private race to the moon very much like “Despicable Me.”
There’s just 60 days left to Ask & Tell, Marcus Bachmann.
Even more to the Bachmann family story since Michele is really Michael. Explains the migraines.
Tiger fires the caddy
who hand the club to Elin.
Straw poll has Katy Perry over Rick ten to one.
This just in–negotiators have agreed to not raise the debt ceiling but lower the debt floor.
Rupert Murdoch says he thought the hacking was whooping cough.
Murdoch tells Parliament down came a jumbuck to drink beside the billabong up jumped the swagman and seized him with glee
and he sang as he tucked jumbuck in his tuckerbag.
In something akin to the alignment of heavenly bodies, both Hugh Grant and the Taliban are hacked on the same day.
14 year old hacks NATO into NA and TO.
B list celebs lining up to be hacked by News Corp.
Wendi Deng testing waters in Iowa. She’s proven she can kiss a pig.
Google + skewed towards the full-figured.
New Apple Lion OS delivered through implant in base of skull.
Casey Anthony spotted skating past muscle beach on Venice CA boardwalk.
Definitely not her couponing at the Sav-Mor in Kalamazoo.
“Cut off his penis and put it through the disposal” the worst “that’s what she said” ever.
Minnesota has about 3500 of the lakes up and running.
Dalai Lama reworks the feng shui in the Obama map room.
Taverns open their doors to victims of heat wave.
So hot that a lot of guys concealing and carrying are going off in their pants.
But that’s protected under the second amendment, too.
Poll reveals 62% of Americans believe there may be a better country but can’t find it on a map.
Survey finds baby boomers not afraid of losing their looks. Second survey finds they should be.
Republican gerrymandering pushes Wisconsin democrats into the UP.
And–boy–the summer is going fast–Cubs already up to 39 victories . . .
. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t
Bustier in the Freezer & Other Tips to Beat the Heat
Posted July 21, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bustier in the Freezer
Keep a Cool Dome Under the Heat Dome
1. Get ready for fun out of the sun with wet t-shirt and fruit of the loom contests in the comfort of your own home. You can’t lose when you cool off and your marriage heats up!
2. Turn off all heat sources including family and pets. Why stoke up a the oven when you can cook with a parabolic mirror hastily fashioned from the satellite dish you stopped throwing money at anyway? Pull the plug on your energy death star Kelvinator and get to eat your way through it before it all goes bad. Unscrew or yank all light bulbs, microwaves, chargers, air fresheners, smoke alarms, home dialysis units, mangles and those hair crimpy things. What, are you heating the entire neighborhood?
3. Adjust your pilot light. That’s what she said. You know it’s the little things. That’s what she said. Should climate stress be prolonged, blow out the pilot entirely and take the gas, but only in Oregon.
4. Where possible, rotate your house so the windows face north. Have a mobile home that’s actually mobile? Perfect–rule of thumb is keep the rising and the setting sun behind you, even if it means you end up back at the trailer park.
5. Still 82 when you go to bed? No problemo. Haul your comforters down to the park, like we used to, and enjoy nature’s air conditioner while muggers and thieves enjoy yours.
6. Line the recliner arms with Red White and Blue’s and pour over stacks of Popular Pseudo-Science proving there is no global warming beyond the shadow of a doubt. You may not do anything about the weather, like the fella said, but why be like he who would stand in the gutter and stare into the sun?
7. If you have wings made of feathers and wax do not fly too close to the sun. Try wearing 2 caps, one forward and one back. Eat only white things that reflect heat–Wonder Bread, Weiss beer, cod, the milky Jell-O they used to serve in Chinese restaurants. Make long lists of things that have nothing in common. Guys, take a chance on a shorty mesh tee shirt pushing manly things around Sam’s Club, and, gals, why not keep a bustier in the freezer?
8. Push Sugar over a bit, lay face down on the nice cool hall floor and let the dog walk over you for a change. To cool hindquarters, simply roll over–any belly scratching you get is gravy.
9. Fill the bathtub with ice cold gin and bob for olives. Languish for a while–you deserve it!
10. Move. Although, it is hot all over.
All the News That Isn’t for July 5
Posted July 5, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: Not Off the Press July 5
June 5, 2011
Khadafi lured into surrender with giant publishers clearinghouse check.
NATO doing flyovers over Minnesota.
Lake Woebehere in Minnesota shutdown.
Did Tim leave Minnesota in debt? Pawlenty!
Land of 10,000 empty holes.
Even Garrison has dried up.
Michele Bachmann raced back to Minnesota with a plunger. And hundreds of thousands in much needed federal Christian anger management.
Strauss-Kahn dines out with wife, stiffs server.
After verdict in Blagojevich trial, Rod turns to Patti and tries to sell her seat.
The good news is Illinois is now bipartisan on the penitentiary level.
President Obama very nearly gets his gay on. Went as far as metrosexual.
The president supports marriage for the ambivalent.
Pretty good the buck stops there speech the other day.
The president got his daughter’s age wrong, but kids and the debt grow so darn fast!
Threatened to take away congress’s sweet car leases before the fourth of July weekend.
Nigerian man with fake papers who flew across the country says he was mugged in Wales and they took everything including his lottery winnings.
Iowa closes borders.
Trying to keep the pigs in and the candidates out.
Michelle Bachmann has already adopted 27 piglets in Waterloo. Named one John Wayne Piggy.
Pentagon wanted to use nuclear option on Los Alamos fire.
On the upside, the Los Alamos shutdown set the doomsday clock back 5 minutes.
Greece charges debt to Turkey.
Senate stayed in session over the Fourth weekend debating Audi vs. BMW leases.
Tea party bus tour stalls after refusing to pay tolls.
Bristol says Michele just a Palin imitation.
Rhode Island OK’s little same-sex marriages.
Political analyst on Morning Joe kind of a dick.
Best punishment for Strauss-Kahn would be president of France.
NBA locks out NFL who leaves NHL out in the cold.
Looks like a good year for amateur sports.
Shia says less Transformers, more Megan Fox.
Critics cry “Horsefeathers!” after Wisconsin’s Professor Wagstaff hires quarterback in speakeasy who turns out to be Harpo . . . .
That’s All the News That Isn’t
All the News That Isn’t
Posted June 27, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: Not Off the Press
June 27, 2011
Circumcision no longer covered by Medicaid– but isn’t it a little late by then, anyway?
Talks with Taliban on, with congress off.
Talks with congress bog down in Biden.
New York, New York marriage passes. Same borough marriage.
Breaking his silence on same-sex marriage, President Obama says if he had it to do all over again it might be Craig and not Michele Robinson. Could work on his game.
President pulls 30,000 Taliban out of Afghanistan.
Vatican approves withdrawal.
President declares all bags fly free out of Afghanistan.
Critics of withdrawal says 10 years is abrupt.
Surge backwards very nearly spells egress.
Well, he’s young, there’ll be other surges for him.
Could take a while though–the British have been withdrawing from Afghanistan since 1842.
Obama approval numbers down to must kill soon.
Be kindest to put Newt to sleep. They shoot Newts, don’t they?
All his advisers quit and Calista doesn’t show for dinner.
Fed head Bernanke admits getting a B-minus/C-plus in econ.
Gates approves gays in private life.
Ron Paul must be high. LSD, too, judging by Rand.
Bristol Palin has a new book out “Not Afraid of Stupid.”
Mostly a response to Levi’s book “I’m With Stupid.”
May be the first time an author has written a book without having read one.
Kid who plays for the beer hole wins the US Open.
Hef to adopt instead of marry.
Hef may go with same-sex marriage–he’s been courting Mitch McConnell.
Jon Huntsman launches “Yes We Can-Can” campaign.
Primarily known as the man the Obamas sent out for Chinese.
Seizing opportunity, Michele Bachman to manage Washington Nationals.
NATO says it shoots anything with Libya, Libya, Libya on the label, label, label.
FDA cigarette warnings imply blowing smoke out your tracheostomy hole not sexy.
First Greek austerity measure as Parthenon goes condo.
John McCain says Arizona fires the result of spontaneous alien combustion.
Paul McCartney favored over Cubs at Wrigley Field.
Supreme Court rules Walmart can pay women everyday low wages.
Wisconsin Governor Walker signs slash and burn budget, now wife Tonette must give birth to the devil’s baby.
President releases 60 million barrels of oil–your job, grab some buckets and find out where.
Southwest pilot turns out to be 62, gay and ugly.
Feel free to move about your mouth.
Glen Campbell–by the time I get to–where was it again?
Glen, you are in Phoenix.
Scientists discover some people remember everything and they are all women . . .
. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .
All the Latest News That Isn’t
Posted June 20, 2011 by mefeldCategories: Uncategorized
Tags: Why do they call it news?
6-20-11
A kid who plays for the beer hole should not win the US Open.
On the upside, the first Weiner ever with a conscience
Debt ceiling goes down to 18th hole at Obama-Boehner match.
Boehner refused to give the president his usual mulligans.
Cubs-Yankees games a preview of the 1938 world series.
AARP backs early bird special at ethical suicide parlors.
A lot of the AARP higher-ups believe that Mr. Roosevelt will take care of them no matter what.
Sarkozy is French for Weiner.
Weiner was offered #3 in the Brewers sausage race.
United’s fleet of Commodore 64’s grounded. Hard to find those floppy disks.
Saudi women drive with inflatable males at the wheel.
Suspicious package at Pentagon not Weiner’s.
Canadians riot while Bruins fans take high tea.
Greeks roll out austerity package in huge wooden horse.
Greek austerity package not Weiner’s.
Obama tells Puerto Ricans: when you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way . . .
Rick Perry of Texas says if at first you don’t secede try, try again.
Romney positions self as Mormon John Kerry.
Unintended results as radiation from missile attacks produces a 50 foot Khadafy .
Weiner poster boy for concealed carry.
Lebron with head hanging still a food & a half above the rest of us.
Al-Zahromni new head of al-Qaeda investments.
Having successfully rammed through his agenda, Wisconsin Governor Walker down to putting his horse in the senate and marrying his sister.
Kucinich sues Obama over Libya and his dentures.
Not clear how Pakistanis knew the guys who turned in bin Laden were there.
Bin Laden wives remarry Mormon.
NFL meets with Taliban.
Senate votes to convert ethanol to corn,
and President Obama says running the country easy, raising daughters is hard . . .
. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t
Whad'ya Know? 