Posted tagged ‘Not Off the Press July 5’

All the News That Isn’t for July 5

July 5, 2011

June 5, 2011

Khadafi lured into surrender with giant publishers clearinghouse check.

NATO doing flyovers over Minnesota.

Lake Woebehere in Minnesota shutdown.

Did Tim leave Minnesota in debt? Pawlenty!

Land of 10,000 empty holes.

Even Garrison has dried up.

Michele Bachmann raced back to Minnesota with a plunger. And hundreds of thousands in much needed federal Christian anger management.

Strauss-Kahn dines out with wife, stiffs server.

After verdict in Blagojevich trial, Rod turns to Patti and tries to sell her seat.

The good news is Illinois is now bipartisan on the penitentiary level.

President Obama very nearly gets his gay on. Went as far as metrosexual.
The president supports marriage for the ambivalent.

Pretty good the buck stops there speech the other day.

The president got his daughter’s age wrong, but kids and the debt grow so darn fast!

Threatened to take away congress’s sweet car leases before the fourth of July weekend.

Nigerian man with fake papers who flew across the country says he was mugged in Wales and they took everything including his lottery winnings.

Iowa closes borders.

Trying to keep the pigs in and the candidates out.

Michelle Bachmann has already adopted 27 piglets in Waterloo. Named one John Wayne Piggy.

Pentagon wanted to use nuclear option on Los Alamos fire.

On the upside, the Los Alamos shutdown set the doomsday clock back 5 minutes.

Greece charges debt to Turkey.

Senate stayed in session over the Fourth weekend debating Audi vs. BMW leases.

Tea party bus tour stalls after refusing to pay tolls.

Bristol says Michele just a Palin imitation.

Rhode Island OK’s little same-sex marriages.

Political analyst on Morning Joe kind of a dick.

Best punishment for Strauss-Kahn would be president of France.

NBA locks out NFL who leaves NHL out in the cold.
Looks like a good year for amateur sports.

Shia says less Transformers, more Megan Fox.

Critics cry “Horsefeathers!” after Wisconsin’s Professor Wagstaff hires quarterback in speakeasy who turns out to be Harpo . . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t