Whad'ya Know?

5-12-14

Monica Lewinsky comes out with a new book, “Game of Thongs.”

Thanks to so-called health lobbies you can’t find Gatorade with flame retardant for love nor money.

Supreme Court ok’s prayer at town board meetings, inasmuch as prayer is the only thing a town board has.

CEO of Target has identity stolen.

Putin returns to the scene of the Crimea.
Visited the new capital Putinville. To ride the Putinville Trolley.
You enter Putinville through the Arc du Putin—two huge shirtless Putins crossing paddles. For some reason. Well, they had to work quick.
Putin the greatest man to come out of Russia since Yakov Smirnoff.

Wisconsin secessionists nowhere to be found. Disappeared into thin air. Funny thing is no search party.
The Republican Rapture.

For Mother’s Day how about a Benghazi panel? What do you mean she’ll never use it?

Johnny Football to the Cleveland Browns where he will be known as Johnny Dawg Pound.

Mitt Romney says minimum wage should be raised to $1.75.

Unlike Photomat, Snapchat photos do not disappear forever.

After the smartphone kill switch, how about a gun kill switch?

Noah warned to stay out of Chinese territorial waters.
Which, by the way, now extend to Orange County.

Airlines resist showing hidden charges on tickets—tax, airport fees, ok, but recapable tires? Ticketron service charge? Presidential election fund?

Nintendo says there will be no gay life in Tomadochi Life. With those big heads and teeny bodies how much can be going on anyway? They’re pegs!

Ununseptium the latest element only exists for a trillionth of a second so it’s really Unununseptium.

In Wisconsin the John Doe may be over but Scott Walker’s John Dough keeps rolling in.

The Gospel of Jesus’ Wife has been deciphered: “ A carpenter? And the door hanging off the hinges since day one?”
Jesus’ Jewish wife, after all.
Scientists have created a virtual universe that makes something 350 million light years squared fit into a locker at Grand Central Station, to await the return of Tommy Lee Jones . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t

A last minute switch of votes perhaps due to intense lobbying by the law firm of Howard Feldman has resulted in the induction of Michael Feldman to the Washington HS Hall of Fame where he will join “a senator, a MLB commissioner, a movie star and several other extraordinary people” in the wall display adjacent to the child care center. Washington–School of Victory!

The ceremony is on the 24th and it’s the 10th already, so it seems pretty clear I will not be making the Milwaukee Washington HS wall of Fame this go ’round. Bud Selig is in there and Gene Wilder, and others, I imagine, never seen it. It was all I could do to get out in ’66, I’m not going back at 66. But my brother Howard, ’56, believes in the right of return and in the wall–showcase–of fame, and believes little Michael deserves to be in it. I don’t know, I’m not commisioner of baseball nor have I danced to putting on the ritz with Frankenstein’s monster. I can do the monster’s “PUTTIN-ONTHA-RIITTH!!–pretty good, but the tap with high hat and cane is not that easy. Howard was adamant about it, in light of  his coming back for another damn reunion (I mean the attrition is getting pretty bad) this fall and told me he expects to point out his brother up on the wall to a WHS survivor who doesn’t even remember who he is. So, against my better judgement had I any,  I let my name be put in contention.

The fact that my inquisitor’s sister had gone out with my brother Clayton in ’54 got things off on the wrong, not even my, foot. Clayton said she dumped him for a Great Lakes sailor who piped her on board as it were. That should not be my problem, nor even Clayton’s, really, 60 years being the statute of limitations on heavy petting aka tripping on the bag rounding second. Then the inevitable somebody said, this one being that I had said something negative about Washington, the Purgolder experience or possibly Principal Arlie Schardt and his damn red rubber ball in the jar of beans, “shake your beans and your ball shall rise to the top.” Perhaps the offhand remark, 5 or 600 times, that we had to swim naked and, hence, I never learned the backstroke. OK and the unfortunate “Miss Ganos has a Nice Anos” on my folder, but it was the nearest rhyme that worked. The vice principal gave me an overview on the Spanish Civil War for that one, still don’t know why, guess it was just on his mind. Mr. Tolkan, Bob, was much more serious than his famous brother Phil Tolkan, he of the Phil Tolkan Singing Pontiacs.  Or it might have been something else. I don’t know, for me going up the steps to Washington High was a lot like people must have felt passing under the Work Shall Set You Free sign.

My last best hope to make my case for the case was the brief essay requested: what Washington did, or possibly meant, to me. That’s just asking for trouble. But here it is–you be the judge. I’ll say this–it sounds like me. And isn’t that what Alma Mater Washington is all about?

Michael Feldman
Washington HS Class of 66 AD
6 semesters of Spanish club, have no idea why unless it was Sandy Chavez.
Stage Crew, best thing to get on since David Gregory could call your classroom and say you’re needed backstage. Loved it, learned a little about lighting and which rope to pull, etc.
Host 1965 Tonia Toppers Variety Show, was NY, NY or possibly IC, IOWA. Wrote the skits, wore the tux, under the able guidance of Ms. Georgia Ganos, now Glaser. Ron Glaser, btw, should be in this case. Great ballplayer.
4th of Feldman boys to attend WHS after Clayton ’54 (est) Howard ’57 (or so) Arthur who should have graduated in ’61, and me class of ’66. While we’ve never compared, because Feldmans don’t do that, I believe my 3.8725* average led the pack.
*should have been straight A but my new to teaching American History teacher gave me a B because she said it was too easy for me. And who’s fault was that?
Went out for tennis got seeded Ricky Dominitz, large but a killer athlete in all sports, hence never even numeraled and just wore the jacket to change oil in later years.
Recent life experience: since 1985 hosted “Whad’ya Know” on Wisconsin Public Radio, syndicated nationally on Public Radio International.
Married to wife Sandy since 1984 with 2 very nearly fully grown daughters Ellie and Nora, all of Madison.