Posted tagged ‘walker’

Governor’s Ramp and All the News That Isn’t

May 5, 2014

5-5-14

 

You know if Oprah buys the LA Clippers, Stedman’s going to want to coach.

Then when Gayle King gets the job he’ll be very hurt.

Be good for Stedman to have something to do.

Stedman told Oprah ‘don’t be bringing any black men around here.’

And you know he was upset: he doesn’t usually speak in the vernacular.

The great thing about the Oprah Clippers: a gift box under every seat.  No gifts on the court, though.

In all the non-Clipper news that isn’t :

Rob Ford does Betty Ford.

Minimum wage boost fails in the Senate because they pay enough for yard work as it is.

Russia tells US to transport astronauts to the international space station ‘with trampoline’ (sic).

Someone’s feeling pretty cocky about themselves. All hammer and sickly.

And for what? Seizing Crimea? Dane County could have seized Crimea. Would’ve added to the tax base.

Meanwhile, teenage mutant Russian separatists take over post office in Dnepropetrovsk—a valued stamp cancellation.

In Ukraine in general, Tea Partski very much on the rise.

I don’t know. They make a great White Russian.

Voter ID ruled really stupid in Wisconsin. Not a single case of someone impersonating a Badger to vote.

Governor Walker and the boys willing to compromise with voter wrist tattoos.

Marrying a very politically progressive gal, George Clooney forced to ethically mine a 7 carat diamond himself.

Donald Sterling banned for life in NBA—so that’s what, 6, 7 years?

Speaking of Israel in case you were, John Kerry says he never said apartheid, he said “a par-TAY!”

Ohio Baptist University shuts down a LGBT-friendly student newspaper after learning the B is not for Baptist.

Moviegoers leaving Spiderman II visibly shaken after seeing Spidey eaten by his mate.

Paul Simon and what’s-her-name-the-if-Garfunkel-were-a-girl-one all good now after domestic dispute,  release “I Got You Babe” video as Sonny and Cher.

At auction, Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone” expected to bring $2million, while like a Rolling Rock just 6 bucks.

Move to secede at Wisconsin GOP convention in Milwaukee, although some delegates may think the resolution says “succeed.”

Workaround proposed where GOP faithful leave the state in a Republican Rapture, possibly to the UP.

Rob Ford out of Betty Ford.

Governor and Tonette Walker want the wheelchair ramp removed from the Governor’s Mansion. Too FDR.

Worth noting that Scott Walker, one of the 100 most influential people in the world, can’t get a ramp removed from his house.

Newly sober Zac Efron reveals his name is actually Jack Saffron.  Just slurs to Zac Efron.

Milwaukee Brewers dog Hank brings down the racing Klement Polish sausage and eats his casing before groundskeeper can shoot him. Almost a tragedy at Miller Park.

US consumer spending surges .1% in March. Well, surge. It is a positive number.

Wisconsin Congressman Paulie Ryan movin’ on up to Black Congressional Caucus. The token caucusian.

Rob Ford re-ups Betty Ford.

As a convenience, Wisconsin will raise the maximum political donation from $10,000 to $6.8 million so you won’t have to write 680 $10,000 checks.

And, the Colorado Symphony Orchestra, for its pot-friendly version of the 1812 Overture, will feature giant bongs fired up as bells ring across Denver.  .  .

 

Wisconsin Governor's Mansion 1_JPG_475x310_q85That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

Jennifer Lawrence Hot New Temp & All the News That Isn’t

November 18, 2013

11-18-13

Obamacare signups up 18,000% .

Only 217 total, but still.

Looks like Obama Auto Care is off the table.
Could have used Obama Homeowners.
Not to mention Obama Death & Disability. Care.

If they called it American Family Insurance Care wouldn’t have had nearly the trouble.

Kind of funny to use the Presidency as a stepping stone to insurance agent.

You can keep your old plan but it only covers old conditions you are no longer in. Now you have post-existing conditions.

Obamacare does not cover ED–Electile Dysfunction.

Boy, Christmas sure came and went, huh? Thanksgiving, OK, but moving it up to Veteran’s Day is going too far.

Then we had to move up Chanukah to keep pace; it’s now the 8 days culminating in Labor Day.

Flying Wallendas stack-up atop former Sears tower to take height title back from World Trade Tower. The Willis Tower suffers from the inevitable Big Willy nomme de plume.

Going to be hard pressed to get all 50 Shades of Grey in by Valentines Day. A lot of pressure for a date movie, anyway.

Prince Charles is 65, but never having had a job cannot retire. Like Mitt Romney.

Speaking of whom, just the slightest whiff of Romney-Regret among voters. There, it’s gone.

Like to know why Congress is so interested in “Revenge Porno” and nothing else. Government crumbles over and around them, they’re worried about their old dirty pictures turning up on the internet.

Hoping to God we’re not going to see a Ted Cruz sex tape pop up.

North Korea executes 80 for watching Real Housewives. While I think that’s extreme . . .

Real Housewives of Pyongyang? Or Atlanta? If Atlanta, justified.

Reality check: at 45% President Obama still 5 times more popular than Congress.

Congress drops any more they will be self-hating.

Francis Bacon’s triptych 3 Studies of a Really Ugly Guy sells for $142 million. Not only is that a lot of money, you have to buy 3 couches to hang them over.

1 in 3 eschews gluten while 2 in 3 of us chews gluten.

Green and Tea Parties merge to form Green Tea Party. Now if they can just get the Orange Pekoes.

Jennifer Lawrence cuts her hair short looks like the hot new temp.

Earnings disappoint and I know how they feel.

Amazon convinces Postal Service to violate yet another Sabbath for Sunday delivery.

If you’re whatshisname everybody my age knows you.

Research concludes you don’t have a weight problem you have a genetic problem.

Pentagon fears cutbacks to Triangagon.

President Obama will not only spare the Thanksgiving turkey, he will ride it into the sunset.

Fred Sanford clutching-the-heart flopping penalized in NBA.

One thing you can say about hazing in the NBA, rookies get their choice of Jonas Brothers or Hello, Kitty backpacks.

Latest Marvel superhero is a Jewish woman who needs no super powers.

Connecticut rabbi returns $86,000 found in a desk he bought, which is perfect since you don’t really have to tip a rabbi.

3.5 million year old bacteria looks fabulous. Fortunate to fall into a sedimentary layer of Botox.

Alec Baldwin’s stalker says there’s a scar on his male part but that’s common knowledge.

Asian carp walks into a bar in Sturgeon Bay. . . that’s all I got.

10 million dollar fantasy bra followed by 8 million dollar crotchless panty.

Deer that crashed into Janesville church can’t be saved due to wrong denomination.

Wisconsin Governor Walker comes out with his presidential book “Profiles in Carnage.” A Golden Book.

Packers continue unusually long pre-season.

Lambeau Leap has been moved to the Frigo Bridge.

After this season the Packers will go back to meatpacking. Still will have the great next-door rivalry with the Minnesota Hormels . . .

. . . That’s All the News that Isn’t . . .

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All the News That Isn’t –Regular and Good

April 22, 2013

4-22-13

In a special tribute Margaret Thatcher is interred next to Richard III in the car park.

What kind of message does it send when the highest level of American representation at the Thatcher funeral is Kissinger, Cheney and Bachmann?

Suspicious substance sent to President Obama turns out to be Nicorette.

Ricin letter season again. Like the annual Christmas saga letters.

Ricin testing takes 48 hours–they should use instant ricin.

After a really bad week the White House looks more like the Alamo.

Wayne La Pierre never picked up a check, background or otherwise.

Lost in all this is that Ann Curry was treated really badly on the Today show.

Latest in wearable technology: Google Spanx.
Google Retainer hinted at.

Incarceration way up at Shanghai Technical Prison anticipating all the iPhone 6 work.

Wisconsin’s Governor Walker has opened an office in China so he’s able to count Chinese prison labor in job count. 1 billion new jobs!

Immigration bill comes to floor with big asterisk next to Chechnya.

After all the flooding, Chicago’s sister city now Venice.

McDonalds’s earnings flat after something funny about the pickle slice.

iPhone’s Siri only keeps your data two years, but by then has told all her friends.

Carnival Triumph upgraded with 23,000 gallon jugs tied to the rail. Hopefully, they’ll remember to put the caps on.

Given the weather, it’s surprising the dead groundhog thrown into the Pennsylvania bar was not Phil.

I shot Musharraf but I did not shoot the deputy.

Manti Te’o expected to go in first round of fantasy draft, and

A challenging auditorium program coming up telling 6th grade boys why they’re getting cervical cancer shots.

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

But, wait, there’s more–because we need it, and USA Today doesn’t provide it anymore . . . .

All the Good News That Isn’t:

Bighorn sheep are back in the Sierra Nevadas.

Gold is more affordable.

One way ticket to Mars suddenly appealing.

Probably no one you know made the Chicago Tribune’s mugs in the news.

The boat with the protected species didn’t hit the coral reef all that hard.

You can now show the officer proof of insurance on your iPhone.

Maggie’s back with Dennis.

Big turnout at 4:20 on 4-20 behind the equipment shed on the practice field.

Should be a shipload of spring flowers, and

Jennifer Aniston seems happy.

. . . That’s All the Good News That Isn’t . . . .

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