Monica’s Game of Thongs and All the News That Isn’t


Monica Lewinsky comes out with a new book, “Game of Thongs.”

Thanks to so-called health lobbies you can’t find Gatorade with flame retardant for love nor money.

Supreme Court ok’s prayer at town board meetings, inasmuch as prayer is the only thing a town board has.

CEO of Target has identity stolen.

Putin returns to the scene of the Crimea.
Visited the new capital Putinville. To ride the Putinville Trolley.
You enter Putinville through the Arc du Putin—two huge shirtless Putins crossing paddles. For some reason. Well, they had to work quick.
Putin the greatest man to come out of Russia since Yakov Smirnoff.

Wisconsin secessionists nowhere to be found. Disappeared into thin air. Funny thing is no search party.
The Republican Rapture.

For Mother’s Day how about a Benghazi panel? What do you mean she’ll never use it?

Johnny Football to the Cleveland Browns where he will be known as Johnny Dawg Pound.

Mitt Romney says minimum wage should be raised to $1.75.

Unlike Photomat, Snapchat photos do not disappear forever.

After the smartphone kill switch, how about a gun kill switch?

Noah warned to stay out of Chinese territorial waters.
Which, by the way, now extend to Orange County.

Airlines resist showing hidden charges on tickets—tax, airport fees, ok, but recapable tires? Ticketron service charge? Presidential election fund?

Nintendo says there will be no gay life in Tomadochi Life. With those big heads and teeny bodies how much can be going on anyway? They’re pegs!

Ununseptium the latest element only exists for a trillionth of a second so it’s really Unununseptium.

In Wisconsin the John Doe may be over but Scott Walker’s John Dough keeps rolling in.

The Gospel of Jesus’ Wife has been deciphered: “ A carpenter? And the door hanging off the hinges since day one?”
Jesus’ Jewish wife, after all.
Scientists have created a virtual universe that makes something 350 million light years squared fit into a locker at Grand Central Station, to await the return of Tommy Lee Jones . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t



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