https://soundcloud.com/michael-feldman-2/all-the-news-that-isnt-7-14-16
Archive for the ‘comedy’ category
Problems in Podcasting 5: Timeliness
June 17, 2016Hot topics for Michael Feldman in this undated podcast include the Star Wars anti-missile system, the ERA, the unauthorized biography of Frank Sinatra, Daddy Warbucks taking over at CBS news, and Barbra Streisand threatening to sing Yentl.
https://soundcloud.com/michael-feldman-2/problems-in-podcasting-5-timeliness
Jon Snow Runs Trump Through and All the News That Isn’t
June 13, 20166-13-16
The big news here in America’s Dairyland is Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers is giving up cheese and milk due to lactose intolerance–that’s OK, what you really don’t want is a lactose intolerant center.
A federal appeals court rules there’s nothing in the 2nd Amendment that anticipates conceal and carry, perhaps because it never occurred to the Founding Fathers to conceal a blunderbuss.
Should Britain leave the European Union they have an open invitation to join the Union of Former Soviet Socialist Republics.
Union Carbide called. Pipefitters Union. And the Onion, although that was more of a typo.
Perhaps if the Cavaliers called themselves anything else? Raconteurs? Bon Vivants? Schleppers?
$3.4 million for lunch with Warren Buffet and he still won’t reach for the tab.
Whatever else you can say about Mike Feldman, he did pick up the occasional check.
Study finds doctors and children only wash their hands when being watched, and neither picks up their toys.
On her 90th, Queen Elizabeth plays croquet with flamingos and hedgehogs. Getting just a tad eccentric.
Meanwhile, Prince Phillip keeps disappearing down rabbit holes.
Hillary and Elizabeth Warren can run together now that they’re past having to worry about synchronizing.
In the Game of Thrones finale, Jon Smith runs Donald Trump through and seizes the nomination and Melania.
Hillary finally wears a decent outfit and it turns out to be a $12,000 Armani.
Well, TJ Maxx wasn’t doing it for her.
Important, though, to wear your old clothes when talking to poverty groups.
The WWE will sanction the Presidential Debates this year, 10 rounds at Madison Square Garden.
Hil and Liz gonna tag team The Donald’s ass.
Something called Island Stress Shrinkage led to the Hobbits and NY Knicks small size.
An increasing number of female bees are reproducing on their own without waiting for Buzzwell.
Some Olympic athletes are putting their sperm on ice before Rio so they can at least enjoy their downtime.
Bernie stays in the race because you don’t quit being Bernie Sanders.
Unlike Norma Desmond, Bernie will not relinquish the spotlight.
Here in Wisconsin, 45,496 wild turkeys and twice that in frozen during spring turkey season.
Madison has been named the number one college football town in the country,
and you can’t get any higher than that–believe me, we’ve tried.
That’s All the News That Isn’t
Michael Perry on Whad’ya Know June 4, 2016
June 8, 2016Michael Perry on Jesus on the side of a calf, burdock and box elder as cash crops and gratitude
https://soundcloud.com/michael-feldman-2/michael-perry-on-whadya-know
Kickstart the Whad’ya Know Podcast!
June 7, 2016
Kickstart us Back to the Future with the Whad’ya Podcast! Coming fall, 2016
All the Trump News That Isn’t
June 6, 20166-6-16
We live in an age when Riley is the man and Justin is the dog.
‘All the Trump News That Isn’t’ begins with a disclaimer:
Donald Trump has passed the point where stupid is provocative; it is now merely stupid.
- Trump’s African-American fails to respond to his summons.
- “I’m building a wall it’s an inherent conflict of interest” was not the incoherent rant of a man on the bus.
- Great relief as Californians learn there is no drought.
- Calling Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas earned the response “You’re Stinky Pete the Prospector.”
- When non-existent global warming submerges your golf course where will you drop the ball?
- 3500 harassment suits do not necessarily indicate a great legal mind.
- In his defense, Fraud was the most popular major at Trump U.
- No you cannot tweet the State of the Union.
- I hope you have kidnapping insurance, although that would be The Ransom of Yellow Chief.
- A man who can’t backdate checks to prove donations he didn’t make is not presidential.
Glad I got that out of the way, because I won’t be here to help you through the Trump administration.
Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton, Bush 2, Obama–c’mon enough’s enough.
In All the Non-Trump News That Isn’t–
Cavs and the Warriors, Beast and the Beauty.
Dad of the 6 year old who turned him in for running a red light tells him “I’m very proud of you, see you when you’re 18.”
Sure enough, the woman whose 3 year old tumbled into the Gorilla Enclosure was back the next week with the other one.
Because you can’t take one and not the other.
Speaking of child rearing, I just hope the boy left in the forest for 6 days has learned an important lesson about parenting.
Proponents of Brexit–the UK leaving the EU–have taken the Trump approach:
Let’s Make Great Britain Great Again.
Great Great Britain?
Great Again Britain?
Great Squared Britain?
Jolly Good Britain?
The fact that American nuclear alerts are on floppy disc at least gives you a little time to think.
That they are delivered by Paper Clip Guy, though, is disturbing.
After 15 months Taylor Swift breaks up with someone name Calvin Harris.
Meanwhile, “Calvin,” shoots to number 1 on iTunes.
With AHI–artificial horn intelligence–Google self-driving cars can now lean on the horn if you’re not out of the house pretty quick, and can play “Dixie” at intersections in the South.
Facebook AI–‘Deep Text’–said to have near human accuracy.
Hell, I have near human accuracy.
And, Roots 2 is such a success that next– 2 Fiddlers on the Roof.
That’s All the News That Isn’t
Tweet if You Get Work (Refiredment)
June 3, 2016Tweet if You Get Work (Refiredment)
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 6m6 minutes ago
damn I’ve been talking to the #algore from u rent furniture in denver #LinkedIn #refiredment
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 16m16 minutes ago
dont see a #caitjenner solution for me #refiredment
too easy to fall back on inspirational speaker #refiredment
can’t go back to english teaching because I suspect these kids would not find simon & garfunkel groovy #refiredment
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 20m20 minutes ago
on the other hand in commercial radio would have been fired 30 times in 30 years #refiredment
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 21m21 minutes ago
radio went the way of radio shack #refiredment
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 23m23 minutes ago
was nice to people on way up doesn’t help #refiredment
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 26m26 minutes ago
the jobs I’m qualified for don’t exist anymore. liveryman. #refiredment
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 28m28 minutes ago
one thing for sure don’t have time to work my way up #refiredment
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 29m29 minutes ago
I mean I wouldn’t have to work at all but I need the proof of existence
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 31m31 minutes ago
I’ve done the celeb cab driver thing around here & people don’t tip you because they think you don’t need it #refiredment
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 33m33 minutes ago
see they got 2 guys in the #badgerpopcorn truck so they probably don’t need nobody
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 43m43 minutes ago
what I won’t be is somebody’s little ride ho #uber
Michael Feldman @myfeldman 44m44 minutes ago
just remembered I could go back to driving cab! #unioncab #refiredment
Feldman Q and A : Feldmangate
June 2, 2016Q: So, no reruns of Whad’ya Know?
A: No, they said they already had a dead guy on weekends.
Q: Click?
A: No Clack, I believe.
Q: So how many reruns would that not be?
A: Well, had to use a logarithm, but averaging downward we came up with 1178 shows, although Lyle has a slightly higher figure, but that’s just Lyle (Anderson).
Q: Certainly there must be some value in all those shows, in mass alone.
A: Yes, according to Einstein. Well, one man’s legacy is another’s shmegacy.
Q: Are you saying that Wisconsin Public Radio does not recognize or value the Epic Odyssey that was Whad’ya Know?
A: Are you saying that? I never used the words Epic Odyssey. Redundant, anyway.
Q: But Feldmangate?
A: Gotta call it something. Always room for another -gate.
Q: You were heard to say you were being ‘disappeared,’ I believe.
A: Well, you know comedy and tragedy–always butting masks.
I was surprised that there would be no reruns even on the Olde Timey Radio Hour, and somewhat flummoxed, if one can be somewhat flummoxed, that there would be no archive available of Whad’ya Know shows (a project I’ve been working on for a while, having digitalized WYK up to 1996, a start) but that’s just me.
Anyway, after June 25, 2016, scrubbed–nothing in the fossil record.
Q: Which explains the Kim Jong Un remark.
A: Yes–being treated like Kim Jong’s Uncle. You know, stand here while we get the howitzer.
Q: Why the total lack of regard not just for you but for your audience?
A: I don’t know, but if 2400 hours of tape end up in the vacant Atari hole at Alamogordo, NM, it can only increase their value to posterity.
.
Problems in Podcasting 3: Say Anything
June 1, 2016Whad’ya Know on Ursae Majoris Network!
May 31, 2016Since Wisconsin Public Radio will not be airing reruns of Whad’ya Know? the only option remaining for the inveterate or invertebrate listener is via Radio Telescope, finely tuned to 31 years times the 6 trillion annual mileage of light–186 trillion miles FM, or pretty much a bull’s-eye on that yellow orange ringer for our Sun Ursae Majoris, nestled in the SE corner of the very desirable Ursa Major, the Great Bear, which, among many other distinctions, is the proud home of the Big Dipper! A guy could do worse with his infinitely expanding broadcast!
But, wait, there’s more–Ursae Majoris has been selected by NASA as one of their top 100 stars for the Terrestrial Planet Finder project, so it’s only about time and space until this sun-like star will sport an earth-like planet with public radio-like radio–and Whad’ya Know? will be there.
Whad'ya Know? 