Jon Snow Runs Trump Through and All the News That Isn’t
The big news here in America’s Dairyland is Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers is giving up cheese and milk due to lactose intolerance–that’s OK, what you really don’t want is a lactose intolerant center.
A federal appeals court rules there’s nothing in the 2nd Amendment that anticipates conceal and carry, perhaps because it never occurred to the Founding Fathers to conceal a blunderbuss.
Should Britain leave the European Union they have an open invitation to join the Union of Former Soviet Socialist Republics.
Union Carbide called. Pipefitters Union. And the Onion, although that was more of a typo.
Perhaps if the Cavaliers called themselves anything else? Raconteurs? Bon Vivants? Schleppers?
$3.4 million for lunch with Warren Buffet and he still won’t reach for the tab.
Whatever else you can say about Mike Feldman, he did pick up the occasional check.
Study finds doctors and children only wash their hands when being watched, and neither picks up their toys.
On her 90th, Queen Elizabeth plays croquet with flamingos and hedgehogs. Getting just a tad eccentric.
Meanwhile, Prince Phillip keeps disappearing down rabbit holes.
Hillary and Elizabeth Warren can run together now that they’re past having to worry about synchronizing.
In the Game of Thrones finale, Jon Smith runs Donald Trump through and seizes the nomination and Melania.
Hillary finally wears a decent outfit and it turns out to be a $12,000 Armani.
Well, TJ Maxx wasn’t doing it for her.
Important, though, to wear your old clothes when talking to poverty groups.
The WWE will sanction the Presidential Debates this year, 10 rounds at Madison Square Garden.
Hil and Liz gonna tag team The Donald’s ass.
Something called Island Stress Shrinkage led to the Hobbits and NY Knicks small size.
An increasing number of female bees are reproducing on their own without waiting for Buzzwell.
Some Olympic athletes are putting their sperm on ice before Rio so they can at least enjoy their downtime.
Bernie stays in the race because you don’t quit being Bernie Sanders.
Unlike Norma Desmond, Bernie will not relinquish the spotlight.
Here in Wisconsin, 45,496 wild turkeys and twice that in frozen during spring turkey season.
Madison has been named the number one college football town in the country,
and you can’t get any higher than that–believe me, we’ve tried.
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