All the News That Isn’t
May 7, 2012
China’s Chen offered basketball scholarship at Harvard. Chentastic!
Hillary was allowed one carryon leaving China. Chen.
Well, it is China not Chena.
Chen will be remanded back to the custody of his wife.
They’re taking the Braille address plate down from the Beijing embassy.
That’s the thing about China–a half hour later you want to leave again.
In non-Chen news–
Newt swallowed by black hole.
Callista’s Facebook status changes to “complicated.”
Romney auditioning sister VP’s.
Ann Romney’s mission as first lady will be sewing socks for soldiers.
John Edwards told an aide to do the physically impossible, although not for Edwards.
The Scream goes for $120 million–Mr. Bill, priceless.
Next up on the block the Munch balloon art.
Bin-Laden anniversary–and the guy hated surprise parties.
Papers reveal bin-Laden wanted to rebrand Al Qaeda as Americans for Prosperity. Osama bin-Koch.
The New Orleans Saints had a bounty on bin-Laden.
President Obama to replace NASA with Angry Birds Space.
Pontius Pilate quits EPA after crucifixion crack.
Amsterdam Weed & Hooker tour called off.
Please, sir, may I have a weed pass?
S & P downgrades Spain to Pain.
Only the cattle get Planned Parenthood in Texas.
Arizona cuts Planned Grandparenthood.
Obama adopts Forward slogan now that Wisconsin no longer needs it.
Rejected slogans–“Hope for No Change,” “Got Change?” and “No Hopey, No Changey.”
Chrysler has risen. Hard to believe would come back in the form of a Dodge Dart.
Google street view able to sniff undies in hamper while passing.
Oh, to have been a fly on the wall at the Michael and Whitney hookup. Bet that took a while.
Zombie formerly known as Randy Moss reports to training camp.
Cleveland terrorists planned to torch the Cuyahoga.
Vogue plans to use only Scarlett Johansson sized and bigger models, changes name to Zaftig, and
Super Cow jumps Super Moon . . .
. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .
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