All the News That Isn’t for 5-14-12

May 14, 2012

President Obama’s position has evolved–came around from thinking only one partner should be gay.

Would have been more shocking if Eisenhower had said it.
Or, if Reagan had gone to the wall and said, “Mr. Chairman, marry these guys!”

Why can’t we all just marry one another?

I believe anybody should have the right to marry, and just as firmly that nobody should.

Only priests should marry, so they’d get off their high horses.

I suppose now people will marry just to prove they’re gay.

So the President rethinks the whole thing, and then heads off to visit George Clooney.

Joe Biden, meanwhile, has achieved Liza Minnelli status in the gay community.

Romney says he’ll bash ’em but he won’t marry ’em.
This despite having 5 same sex children.

Ann Romney was reading 50 Shades of Grey and could not be bothered.

New sex book for men–No Shades of Grey.

iPad has a same sex app.

Jill Biden knows she’ll never find a gal like Joe.

50 Shades of Joe.

Biden has apologized to the President for fantasizing in front of an open mic.

Mr. Obama told friends if he had it to do all over again, might be Craig and not Michelle Robinson.

The girls are cool with that.

Bristol Palin says the only same sex partner for her is her mom, and the law’s pretty clear on that.

Republicans believe the President committed Obamakazee on this one.

OK, OK, in other news that isn’t . . .

Meow dies. That’s one fat cat down.

The White House National Holiday Tree dies from identity crisis. Call it a Christmas tree, it’s alive today.

Public reassured French socialists are not like the American mythological kind. The Unicorn socialists.

The good news–and the bad–is the French will always be the French no matter what. C’est la vie.

Rick Santorum endorses Romney in a midnight Snapchat.

Glad I didn’t follow up on that underwear modeling job in Yemen.

Man boarding plane with loaded gun forgot he was an idiot.

Mark Zuckerberg had just changed from hoodie to suit as George Zimmerman was entering the room.

In Indiana, Lugar taken out with pea shooter.
This completes the inmate takeover of the House Asylum.

Romney credits the auto industry turnaround with his taking the scissors to it.

Romney’s childhood bullying prepared him for taking the scissors to companies around the world, so it is pertinent.

Yahoo CEO listed College of Musical Knowledge on his resume. The degree on his wall was signed by Kay Kyser.

Too much Captain Morgan at J.P. Morgan.

Two billion is chump change at J.P. Morgan–unfortunately, we’re the chumps.

America’s got Talent and Then There’s Howard Stern.

Still, he butt bongos Sharon Osbourne, it’s all worth it.

Siri goes in for retooling after repeatedly responding “Ask me if I care.”
Zooey Deschanel was the last straw.

Speaking of Zooey Deschanel, is there a better fit for Loretta Lynn? The Canary in the Coal Miner’s Daughter.

More Americans having their colonoscopies tweeted.

Super Earth the size and consistency of Uranus discovered. It’s at trip though.

Self driving car pulled over by police robot.

John Travolta got the night fever, night fever.
Travolta is, in fact, working undercover for TSA.

Does explain all the dancing, though.

Thanks to her husband Marcus, Michele Bachmann can be a Swiss or a gay citizen.

The ancient 27 foot croc was big, yes, but a vegan.

Game plan is for Sanchez to sit on Tebow’s shoulders and do the passing, and let Tim do the running. Hop off for the celebratory Tebow.

Time magazine breast feeding mom says the kid does not clamp on and hang from it at home. That’s good since he’s 12. Getting long in the tooth.

Homer Simpson to guest on Game of Thrones.

Israel opposes gay marriage since 2 Jewish wives is a stalemate, while 2 Jewish husbands can’t do enough for one another, and

Here in Wisconsin, Governor Walker explains that “divide and conquer” was really just a hair loss strategy . . .

. . . That’s All the News that Isn’t . . .

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