All the Nws That Isn’t
3-14-11
Governor Walker say union repair bill a great victory for the Fatherland.
At bill’s signing in WI capitol rotunda, released doves smash heads to bloody pulps against dome, rain entrails on Republicans gathered below.
Next target on Governor’s agenda: suffrage.
Walker will replace workers’ rights with workplace banners, “Work Shall Set You Free.”
Dairyland, Dairyland Uber Alles.
The good news–Governor Walker says he was just kidding about the layoffs. Things not nearly as bad as that. Just making a point.
Anyway, nice to see Wisconsin in the headlines for something other than morbid obesity. Binge drinking. Even though now more reason than ever.
Prodigal Democrats return but robins remain massed on the WI/IL border, just short of Walworth. Victims of Governor’s Spring Repair Bill.
Being fined a hundred worms a day.
Walker’s bold new Daylight Saving Plan–turn the calendar back 100 years.
Next, for Wisconsin’s Democrats–the ballot box. Find ’em and stuff ’em.
Total Recall: Get ready for the ride of your life!
Walker says Wisconsinites will get used to the bill and the sterilization act folded into it.
Teachers, meanwhile, give up collective bargaining for Lent.
In All the Non-Glorious Victory News That Isn’t . . .
Defense Secretary Gates taunts Khadafy ‘you want a piece of this?’
President Obama says Khadafy reminds him of bullies in school–all the Kenyan kids who taunted him as being American.
President OK’s Guantanamo control to 5 Flags.
Mr. Obama did say during the Wisconsin crisis, “You never outgrow your need for milk,” which was much appreciated.
The Muslim portion of Rep. Peter King’s tribunal is wrapping up–next, the Methodists.
Rockford wants the WI 14 extradited for damage to their motel rooms and huge unpaid video on demand charges.
Speaking of overreach, what about the Illinois governor abolishing death?
What’s with all the “union bosses” we keep hearing about? Did they find Hoffa?
Wisconsin 14 return, Wisconsin 5,654,774 think about leaving.
Kate Middleton tweets: gtng cld feet.
Jared sprints past Ronald McDonald in fast-food heat.
In Egypt, still no sign of Cairo Spring.
Mubarak seen in Speedo at Berlusconi’s Sardinia place.
Estimate for WI capitol tape cleanup from protests drops from $7.5 million to 12 bucks for a can of Goop.
Signs from the protest will be relegated to state historical society along with teachers and public workers. Make a nice little diorama.
Huge Rally at Capitol marks the first time 100,000 people have gathered in Wisconsin without Bucky Badger doing touchdown pushups on his trampoline.
At rally, Tony Shalhoub and Susan Sarandon plea for bigger celebrities to get involved in Wisconsin cause.
NPR reformats as Easy Listening.
NFL players nix a 52 game schedule saying football not a year round sport.
Apple disclaimer says people who buy iPod 2’s will still grow old and die.
The nice thing about having intelligence head James Clapper on board is the President just has to go–clap! clap!–and he shuts up.
Saif is Naif . . .
And Jessica Biel is going to need a lot of comforting after Justin Timberlake breakup . . .
That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .
Michael Feldman
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