Posted tagged ‘Federal Bureau of Backdoors’

Bernie Campaigns at Kenosha Rambler and All the News That Isn’t

April 4, 2016

4-4-16

 

Cruz embraces Walker as Palin Looks on, while Kourtney catches Kendall in bed with Scott, today on Hookin’ Up!

 

Wisconsin besieged with idiots not from around here spouting nothings, aka the primary.

Exactly the wrong way to reach Badgers, the right way being:

–How’s it goin’?

–Not too bad.

–OK then.

Above all, candidates should not mention their names, since in the Badger state we don’t like to draw attention to ourselves.

 

It’s the battle for the soul of the Republican Party–so, kids, get out your electron microscopes!

 

State Department hands off Hillary emails to FBI for end run around nomination.

 

FBI rebrands as FBBD–Federal Bureau of Back Doors.

 

This just in from Narnia: Slack, a Leading Unicorn, Racks Up 20 Million in Funding.

 

Most successful rollout ever for a non-existent car –275,000 preorders for the Tesla to Nowhere.

 

Viagra for women not working, focus now turns to finding something to combat Viagra for men.

 

California increases minimum wage to $15. an hour–Tijuana an instant ciudad muerto (ghost town).

 

 

So far one guy from Kansas met with Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland, but that was just to give him directions: quick turn to the right past the railroad tracks where the silo used to be.

 

Obama offer to tango with Hillary turned down. In fairness, the President offered to tango with Bernie as well.

 

Georgia governor vetoes ‘religious freedom law’ as deceptive advertising.

 

Court in India rules that a wife’s ‘fat-elephant’ taunt to her husband is grounds for divorce.

Wife calls you a fat elephant here just grounds for Spanx.

 

You know, an ex hijacks an airliner just for one last crack at me, I’d give it a rethink.

 

In Wisconsin Primary News That Isn’t:

Hillary hoists her first beer in La Crosse then puts away 5 more because that’s just the way things are going.

Bernie Sanders in Kenosha fails to meet workers at the gate of the Rambler plant.

Ted Cruz rally at God is Not Dead 2, Marcus Theaters, Waukesha.

After chilly reception in state, Donald Trump hovering over event in Green Bay, and

No one cares where John Kasich is.

 

That’s All the News That Isn’t

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