Archive for the ‘politics’ category

Ted Cruz Pursued by Condom Police & All The News That Isn’t

December 7, 2015

12-7-15

Good idea but I have to say fake rhino horn is not doing it for me.

Brits send Spitfires against ISIS and Germans send V-1’s.

At the climate talks in Paris–
Russians blame Turks for climate.
Germans blame Jews.
Spanish only come out at night so they don’t care.
English used to a spot of bad weather.
Chinese will control their own climate.
The US Congress will have nothing to do with climate unless it affects tee times.

House Speaker Little Paulie Ryan’s replacement for Obamacare–Ryancare–provides a ride to the ER.
And if he can’t do it his sister can.

Obamacare repeal is on Obama’s desk.
No word yet as to Obama’s action.
Probably a ceremony with a lot of pens so everybody gets one.
Mr. Obama joked he’d leave the Hussein in his signature so there’d be more pens to go around.

Although nobody asked for proof, a 2 1/2 million year old peach pit proves Homo erectus enjoyed a nice peach and that he thought he could just throw the pit anywhere.

Not much point in being born to Mark Zuckerberg if he’s going to give it all away to celebrate.
1% of $450 billion is a lousy $450 million, hardly worth the inheritance tax.
In 20 years $450 million will only buy you a Toyota Yaris.

Former front runner brain surgeon Ben Carson plunging so fast he’s thinking about proctology.

Kids with dogs have less anxiety while dogs with kids have more anxiety.

Bonobo’s –the cousins of chimps–are sophisticated enough to appear on a GOP debate stage.

Ted Cruz says the democrat “condom police” are just going to have to pin him down and roll it on.

At a meeting with black ministers Donald Trump’s rendition of “Mammy” falls on deaf ears.

Kobe gets beef offer from Japan.

Japan refuses to take back the sinking Marshall Islands. Will not bail them out.

Imagine what the Red Sox could have gotten for $218 million!
Will Ferrell maybe. Or a new ballpark already.

With Montenegro in NATO there is dancing in the streets of Podgorica.

Human brains are neither male nor female unless she says they are.

Dinosaurs made nests just like birds only a lot flatter.

That’s All the News That Isn’tsimple clutch

Bill of Rights v2.0

October 14, 2015

Bill of Rights v2.0

1. Congress shall make no law abridging the Freedom of Guns.
2. The right of the people to Keep, Bear and Use at Will Guns shall not be infringed.
3. Guns shall be taken to mean any such controlled explosive projectile devices now or in the future, including those of Enormous Killing Power currently inconceivable.
4. The Right of the People to secure their Guns and Munitions against unreasonable searches and seizures shall not be violated upon pain of Protected Return Fire.
5. No person acting within Rights enumerated here shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise infamous crime committed by Guns, whether in War, Peace or Domestic Life, let alone be tried for it twice.
6. In all criminal prosecutions involving Guns, the accused shall be considered acting in Self Defense enjoying the protection of the above and following amendments, unless proven otherwise.
7. In suits at Common Law, where the value of the Guns in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury of Gun Owning Peers shall be preserved.
8. In Gun cases brought to trial despite these protections, bail shall not be required, fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
9. The enumeration in the Constitution of certain inalienable Rights to Guns shall not be construed to deny or disparage other implied Rights of Weaponry of all sorts retained by the People.
10. The limited powers not specifically delegated to the United States by the Constitution are reserved to the People and their Common Good Sense.images

The Tragedie of John of Boehner

September 25, 2015

The Tragedie of JOHN OF BOEHNER

Methinks I am a prophet new inspired
And thus expiring do foretell of him:
His rash fierce blaze of riot cannot last,
For violent fires soon burn out themselves;
Small showers last long, but sudden storms are short;
He tires betimes that spurs too fast betimes;
With eager feeding food doth choke the feeder:
Light vanity, insatiate cormorant,
Consuming means, soon preys upon itself.
This sceptered aisle, this happy breed of men,
This little world, this blessed plot, this earth,
This realm, this Congress.
This land of such dear souls, this dear dear land,
Dear for her reputation through the world,
Is now leased out, I die pronouncing it,
Like to a tenement or pelting farm:
This land bound in with the triumphant sea
Whose rocky shore beats back the envious siege
Of watery Neptune, is now bound in with shame,
With inky blots and rotten parchment bonds:
This land that was wont to conquer others,
Hath made a shameful conquest of itself.
Ah, would the scandal vanish with my life,
How happy then were my ensuing death!jb cries