Hillary Snail Mail and All the News That Isn’t


Congress sings Edelweiss on Homeland Security.
Guard my homeland for more than 3 weeks.

Supreme Court rules Obamacare only applies to Obama.
And the deductible puts it out of reach for him.

Republicans readying Republicare–just fine tuning how warm is staying warm and how many fluids is plenty.

Ancient Mars was 47% red 47% blue and 6% undecided.

McDonalds will stop using antibiotics on its chickens, so be sure to check for rashes on you McNuggets.
Ronald McDonald will continue to be dosed with antibiotics.
And kids stay out of the ball pit.

Netanyahu catapults to top of GOP hopefuls.
His speech to congress wasn’t bad until he got to the Israel Bonds.

Growing belief that Ben Carson is played by Herman Cain.
Ben Carson, MD–man, woman, birth, death, stupidity.
Could say wasn’t brain surgery if he wasn’t a brain surgeon.
Good news: it’s operable; bad news: it’s Ben Carson.

Pretty much impossible to stop Harrison Ford from doing his own stunts.
Indiana Jones was actually a documentary.

The artist who painted Bill Clinton for the National Gallery says the shadow next to him is a lamp hurtling towards his head.

Speaking of Hillary–a billion email addresses stolen and not one is Hillary Clinton’s.
She has so many email addresses that anything from her goes right to spam.
Hillary’s emails will be released just as soon as Bill’s snapchats are pulled out.
Apparently all the references to the Bengnazi committee have disappeared.
Really much ado about nothing: all of Hillary’s important stuff went snail mail.

Keystone pipeline vetoed so advocates must continue to smuggle in sludge in their cuffs.

Just takes a world-wide study of average penis size and I sleep like a baby.
Unless these are, like, minimums.
Penis size is the square of the distance between it and eye level, divided by your weight.

Ringling Brothers is dropping elephants for a line of Chihuahuas standing paw-to-tush of the one ahead . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’tSnail_Mail

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