A-Rod Note and All the News That Isn’t

3-2-15

CPAC convention over–had to get the Furry costumes back.

Wisconsin governor Scott Walker told the crowd he is prepared to take away collective bargaining rights from ISIS.

Walker got a tumultuous welcome usually reserved for what at first appears to be a police officer who then begins stripping.

Ted Cruz proved how conservative he is by shutting down all bodily functions in an airless bell jar while filibustering for very nearly the entire session.

The conference adjourned after taking a recreational break for croquet with flamingo mallets.

Following his handwritten note to fans apologizing for his behavior, A-Rod began working on a backlog of thank you notes going back to his confirmation.
Have to hustle to be done by opening day.
Doubters said his note was obviously penned by a female, but A-Rod has always dotted his “i’s” with hearts, except for a brief period as a waitress where he used smiley faces.

Apple hints the Apple Watch will be able to open the 7th Seal of the Apocalypse.
So that’s a must have.

Republicans offer to replace Homeland Security with Home Security featuring Spypoint Camo-Cam Trail Cameras and cutouts of Navy Seals.

Madonna goes down at the British Music Awards when her thong gets caught in her walker.
Given a good thong lashing.
Madonna is getting a little long in the thong.

A much-needed victory for President Obama as Washington DC makes marijuana legal.

Showing new sense of defiance to Keystone pipeline advocates (and, possibly, while high) President Obama inserts himself physically into the pipeline in Ontario making it as far as North Dakota where he is siphoned off.

Reexamination of Warren Commission photographs shows that Bill O’Reilly was not on the grassy knoll in Dallas that day in November.

The Rams, Raiders, Chargers, Packers, Browns, Bears, Seahawks, Patriots, Cowboys, Steelers, 49ers, Ravens, Panthers, Lions, Colts and Vikings sign up to play in the proposed NFL-quality stadium in Inglewood, CA, subject to working out the scheduling.

Judge reinstates Adrian Peterson, wife takes wait and see approach.

That’s All the News That Isn’trs_634x820-150217131600-634-alex-rodriguez-letter

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