Whad'ya Know?

1-19-15

Packers play excellent half of football.

Bartender tries to poison Speaker John Boehner’s beer–fortunately, his crying into it diluted it.

Mike Huckabee slams the Obamas for letting their daughters listen to Beyonce instead of his cover of Brown Sugar.

Oil has dropped so low they’re pumping in back into the ground.
The dinosaurs died for nothing!
Makes for some hard choices, though–2 dollars on a gallon of gas or 2 dollars on High Hopes to win in the third.

Now everybody wants to fly to Cuba to pick up a ’57 Bel-Air despite the 4 different colored fenders and John Deere motor.
My brother Clayton, who went to Cuba in 1955 with the Civil Air Patrol, is going back to see if the dancer at the Tropicana is still there.

This will be an odd State of the Union with everybody on one side of the aisle.
And the Republicans sitting with their backs to the President.
Congressman Randy Weber plans to interrupt the President Obama’s speech with Sieg Heils.

Measles outbreak at Disneyland despite the protective four-fingered gloves.

This year’s flu vaccine only protects against the one you get from kissing a pig.

President Obama did not go to Paris because–with all the heads of state there–tee times were all but impossible to get.

The alligator living for 40 years in a San Fernando backyard had been grandgatored in.

Princeton researchers create a laser the size of a grain of rice then lose it in Chinese take-out.

Ohio State’s Cardale Jones not entering the NFL draft in the hope he’ll move up to second string next season.

The official state book of Mississippi will be either the Bible or anything by John Gresham.

A declining Kobe Bryant has already made his reservations for a trip to Pyongyang, North Korea.

Not a single Lego nominated for an Oscar–so much for diversity!

To a smattering of applause Scott Walker tells country club crowd he’s anxious to be the new what-everybody-hates-about-Washington.

On a personal note, my Tina the Puggle has died, leaving me with an existential crisis, since I told her every morning I had to go to work to earn her dog biscuits. Now what’s my motivation?
Cancelled the New York Times because without Tina I don’t need the bags anymore.
Thinking of getting a rescue dog, although I still don’t get whether you rescue them or they rescue you. If it’s the latter, I’m in! Love you, Tina!

That’s All the News That Isn’t

This entry was posted on January 19, 2015 at 10:30 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. Both comments and pings are currently closed.