Gas Spewing Black Holes and All the News That Isn’t


Vast amounts of water trapped in the earth’s interior, and I know how it feels.
Most of the earth’s mass turns out to be water weight.

After the patent office pulls the Washington Redskins trademark, the dyed pistachio people are all over it.
Washington did propose a new name but the league rejected the Foreskins due to Jewish sensitivities.

Russia moves into Ukraine to collect gas bill.
Ukraine closed the border with Russia locking 30,000 troops in.

Botox makers show no visible reaction to takeover attempts.

President Obama to send 300 to Iraq led by Gerard Butler.

Pope Francis says making recreational drugs legal would be a buzzkill.

US stock futures higher but fail to arrive.

Every time you power on your new Amazon Fire phone it pleasures Jeff Bezos.

Hillary deciding whether to run or seize office.
Perhaps Hillary’s greatest strength is being married to Hillary.

Space station espresso machine reverse engineers urine back to coffee.
Could be the start of a vicious cycle:
Every half hour I have to make coffee.
Got up 3 times in the middle of the night to make coffee.
Can I warm up your coffee?
Whatever you do, don’t ask for a frappe on the space station.

The passenger pigeon will be re-created genetically and used for long-extinct ladies hats.

House Republicans hold Whack-a-Mole leadership session.

Mitt Romney says Hillary is–what do the kids call it?–clueless. Mitt, those kids are 40 years old now.

New arthritis drug grows hair on bald men able to open the bottle.

Texas Governor Rick Perry, for some reason, associates homosexuality with being really, really drunk.

Gun sales down; Americans are either buying fewer guns or learning to be happy with the guns God gave them.

The new electric Harley Hog so quiet had to clothespin playing cards to the rims so you could hear it coming.

Latest edition of the college dictionary the Merriam-Yoopers.

Those of you with super-massive black holes ejecting super-heated gas, the gas company will get to you as quickly as they can–the backlog is cosmic.

If the campaign finance allegations against President Scott Walker are true he could be impeached. Fortunately, after he abolished congress, very little chance of that.

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . . Supermassive-black-hole-eclipsed-by-rare-stream-of-fast-moving-gas

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