Tara Alert

Tara Alert

Want to go viral? Be a cat video. All it takes is a cat that can play paddy cake or tetherball, or at least do a convincing omg! expression. Shouldn’t be hard to find if a million-plus hits is worth the looking. Someday, if ever being re-tweeted or copied and pasted infinitely can make you money, you could even be rich. But for now hold that RT–the video of Tara the Tabby transformed into Tara the Attack Cat who saves four year-old boy from dog (who will only be remembered as light brown) has not only gone pandemic, it has changed how we perceive (at least virtual) cats: as we speak, jpeg tabbies on skateboards brandishing AK-47s occupy 25% of all bandwidth. Forget net neutrality, we need cat neutrality, and neutering as well. Aside from Tom (of Tom &), who was a mixed bag, we’ve never had a real cat hero. Plenty of mice heroes, but no cats. Pepe le Pew came closest, and he was a skunk. Now, when cat time is measured BT, before Tara, and AT, simply being able to paw an iPad is not going to cut it anymore video-wise. Kittyographers will be hard-pressed to make their Bengals, Burmese and Domestics bound the very high bar that is Tara.
The average cat, seeing his toddler set upon by dogs, will register a number of feelings dependant on dog, boy, when puss last ate or coughed up fur ball–lots of things. Time of day’s a factor, nocturnal works better for most. Day or night, though, most cats in the midst of a domestic dispute would curl up nose to tail atop the refrigerator and leave it at that. After all, this is not walking through cereal bowls or worrying the parakeet. That stuff’s easy. This is Misty taking an interest in something other than Misty. As spiritually advanced creatures, cats instinctively will not intervene in the world outside themselves except for self interest or entertainment. Intervention presupposes a cat moral code, the lack of which long has given felines a huge advantage over canines always told they should know better. It’s a lot to lap up.
This particular incident ended well, at least for the boy and the cat, but the lessons for the rest of Felis catus is fraught with peril: many cats not having or able to bring their A game had best prepare to look adoptable. Overall, the ante has been upped: cats will surely be bred with the Tara gene. Clowders of Tara-cloned attack cats could soon roam city alley and suburban cul de sac alike. Forget The Birds, The Cats is a thousand times scarier. The former Misty may play with you a bit, let you think you can make your getaway, but should you go for it brace yourself for the paw with just enough claw smack down on your tail any second.

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