All the News That Isn’t for 9-23-2013


This whole bringing a gun to Starbucks ban is so unfair since you can bring your Starbucks to the gun range.

Many the triple venti soy no foam latte has been knocked over by the kick of an AR-15.

Brain eating amoeba suspected in Congressional water supply.

House votes to defund healthcare and defeed poor.
Feeding the poor just encourages them.

Starbucks now says you can pack, but only if you’re happy to see them.
Please use the provided stirring stick and not your baretta to stir your frappuccino.

Too many hotshots get a kick out of showing the barista their baretta.

Knock off fools gold iPhone 5’s flooding the market.
I’m sticking with my Princess phone–it’s little it’s lovely it lights, and it’s gold!

Dow Jones through the roof anticipating government shutdown. Not enough has been said about the great inertia of the American system.

Tennessee judge rules parents can name their baby Messiah but not DeShawn.

Finding a girl deemed good enough for Messiah is going to be tough.

Jewish woman in Tennessee wants to name her baby Mechiah.

CEO of Beanie Babies owes $52 million tax judgment for an offshore account registered to Ally the Alligator.

Pope Francis says everyone should march to their own rhythm method beat.
The Pope also suggested he was open to gay abortion.

Tapering is now off–as with any stimulus gotta leave it in as long as possible.

Older roommate stabbed for endless loop of Eagles’ “Peaceful, Easy Feeling.” Loosened his load.

Facebook “like” is protected by First Amendment! Damn! Those Founding Fathers!

Conservative alternative to Obamacare called Yo’ Mama Care. The patient receives a series of escalating insults from his healthcare provider.

Obama administration trying to counter the widely held misconception that Uncle Sam will personally conduct prostate exams under Obamacare.

John McCain Putin op-ed so good he will have a regular column in Pravda–
human interest, upcoming events, vicious diatribes, outdoor sports . . .
2 columns a week is a lot of space to fill.

Stephen Hawking now says his artificial larynx was speaking for itself when advocating assisted suicide.

We already have assisted suicide–medical care!

The Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia has been pulled up and over onto its other side.

In the Fed handicap Larry Summers out, Suzanne Somers in.

Baby Boomers: $15 trillion in disposable income and not a shirt or pair of pants you can wear.

Tim Tebow to the Grenoble Centaurs in the French 2nd division league.
Foosball wanted him really bad.

Paula Deen has seen The Butler 7 times so far. Cried every time.

Cubs magic number down to infinity.

Herb Kohler’s $6.8 billion something to think about every time you use one.

No medical marijuana for Wisconsin but medical soybeans looking good, and

The naked Milwaukeean stuck in the clinic air duct can easily explain the whole thing . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .


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