Norwegian Wakes Up Swedish & All the News That Isn’t


Norwegian man wakes up Swedish, thinks he’s in hell.

Panda mother of twins says please, no more stuffed pandas.

Kate imagines she’s lying on a beautiful beach, waves rhythmically lapping.

As Cassini spacecraft takes picture of earth from Saturn many mistakenly wave at Uranus.

Home builder confidence up after a pretty bad spill from the roof.

Housing starts up, finishes, not so much. Get to it when I get to it.

Some danger of Consumer Over-Confidence.

Fed head says will hand out G-man badges, Dow goes through roof.

Florida passes Stand Your Sinkhole law.

House passes stay warm, drink plenty of fluids Askmeificare health plan.

Bad news: Detroit in bankruptcy, good news: Malibus 10 cents on the dollar.

Given calorie guides McDonalds patrons eat them.

President Obama says he sees self in young North West Kardashian.

The President says women in elevators still clutch their purses when he gets in, but once they see it’s him they take out their compacts.

Snail facials make snails look years younger.

Cooperative Edward Snowden given access to duty-free at Moscow airport.

Same sex marriage law in Britain theoretically allows Queen to marry another Queen. (In the UK it’s same sex, same class).

Ancient earth was extremely hot but it was a dry heat.

Keith Olbermann returns to TV as lottery ball-picker.

Auto tag surveillance raises hackles of American Civil License plate Union.

Rolling Stone magazine boycotted after Neil Diamond jump suit cover.

Scandal rocks pseudo-sports world as rhythmic gymnastics turns out to be big joke.

Revelation that J.K. Rowling wrote Book of Mormon.

World’s oldest calendar extremely out of date; still has Arbor day last week of April.

Public radio host turns up in Biogenesis appointment book.

Obesity gene unable to skip generations.

Missouri first graders now have NRA gun class right after naptime.

House not only does away with food stamps but makes couponing a felony.

Mailman receives Emmy in yet another Netflix victory.

Tibetan monks make sand mandala with 3D printer. Print one grain at a time.

Smokey the Bear sequestered–smoke ’em if you got ’em.

In Milwaukee, 72 year-old Paul McCartney rocks stadium with “I Saw Her Wobbling There.”

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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