All the News That Isn’t
Right now we’re looking at Honeymoon II on Titanic II, or, possibly, the Carnival Mars Triumph cruise.
Titanic II could be interesting if there’s an Iceberg II. Titanic II is so authentic even the same lack of lifeboats.
There will be steerage II on Titanic II.
As for Mars, I don’t know, that’s a long shot. She won’t even go to Florida with me, she’s going to go to Mars?
I think there will be other couples, so that would help. She’s OK as long as there are witnesses.
In other news that isn’t–
Pope emeritus reclines red-slippers up in an Armani track suit with a bottle of Pellegrino watching Golden Girls.
Can finally relax now that he’s not infallible anymore.
Hired the butler back. Living on campus, even if he flew the 100 yards by helicopter to the new place. Nice–not as–but nice.
Had to give up the papal twitter, but his eminence can now be found @joeratzinger.
Meanwhile, the Vatican Pope Combine goes on–peppy little Cardinal from Brazil getting a lot of looks–good footwork, snappy 40 yard processional.
Italians want it back pretty bad. After a Pole, than a German, a lot of sentiment for bringing the cup back home!
Conventional wisdom says the next Pope white, male and Catholic. 10-1 Italian.
Only one likely American candidate–Donald Trump.
In other news that isn’t—
Manti Te’o impresses scouts from eHarmony at NFL Combine. Little slow in the 40 due to all the texting.
Sequester is on–first automatic cut: Congress.
Next: the Executive Branch.
Will leave Tony Scalia pretty much in charge, unless he opts for Pope.
The United States of America: Too Big to Succeed.
Google could run the whole thing with logarithms.
Secretary of State Kerry offers swift boats to Syrian opposition.
Apple CEO Tim Cook says head not stuck in sand, won’t say where is stuck.
But there’s an app for it.
Fukushima tuna have amazing shelf life.
Dennis Rodman says Kim Jong Un the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.
For Kim, one glimpse of Rodman in a wedding dress and zing went the strings of his heart.
Should have know something funny about the IKEA Man O’ War Meatballs.
Supreme Court reconsiders Voting Rights Act, next will take a look at Suffrage.
Joe Biden has arrived in Vatican City to fill in as Vice Pope.
Sequester magically transformed into Silver Linings Playbook.
Some Cardinals mistakenly return to Capistrano instead of Vatican City.
The Vatican gift shop stripped of everything except a couple of JPII jar openers.
In a perfect world, Jodi Arias would hookup with Oscar Pistorius, for a brief time be Jodi Arias-Pistorius.
The President has signed the sequester bill, but, cleverly, as Luke Skywalker, and
Here in Wisconsin, Governor Walker gets the mine, Badgers get the shaft . . .
That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .Uncategorized