All the News That Isn’t 5-31-11


Oprah’s riderless horse paraded down Pennsylvania Avenue.

A scene right out of Thriller when Michael Jackson turns up on Oprah’s last show.

This time the audience found Oprah under their seats.

Oprah went straight to her bucket list–a bucket of macaroni.

In other news-

Highlight of the European vacation was the Obamas moving in with that German couple they thought they were related to. Oh, wait, that was the Griswolds.

Well, then, the highlight would have to be beer pong with Cameron.
Or, when the President thought he was stroking the Queen’s corgi.

Chrysler pays back loans still no word from Plymouth.

Mars rover and Tiger Woods both end their careers in sand trap.

Limbaugh ratings dropping faster than the pounds.

Debt ceiling collapses on House, congressman-sniffing dogs sent in.

Paulie Ryan’s rejected Path to Prosperity reintroduced as Road to Ruin.

Somebody should dress Paulie Ryan up like an old man and stick him in the ER.

Sarah Palin–the bus to nowhere.

Doomsday prophet now says it’s a lawn chair and helium balloons in October or bust.

Tressel tied to trestle.
The Buckeye don’t fall too far from the tree.

War criminal Ratko Mladic discovered through his Tiffany account.

Patriot Act passes but Euphemism Act stalled.

House republicans admit they have to do a better job selling the Final Solution.

Steve Jobs releases iCloud from heaven.

Wisconsin’s governor Walker says concealed weapons will work as voter ID.

And, in Hangover III, they wake up on the floor of Congress . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t

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