Posted tagged ‘stack o bibles’

All the Inaugural News That Isn’t Special Edition

January 21, 2013

All the Inaugural News That Isn’t

The theme for President Obama’s second term will be Forwarder.

To underline his religious values the President was sworn in on a stack o’ imagesCAO5QIOSBibles.

In his speech the President made no mention of the debt ceiling or Michelle’s bangs.

Katy Perry had to be physically restrained from singing the national anthem.

A speech on Martin Luther King’s birthday that was more I Have a Good Night’s Sleep than I Have a Dream.

More Marvin Gaye than MLK as the president asked the throng with: Mother, mother everybody thinks we’re wrong/ Oh, but who are they to judge us simply because our hair is long?

Chief Justice Roberts very careful not to swear in Osama this time around.

President George HW Bush and Aretha Franklin, unable to attend due to health reasons, watched together from an assisted living condo in Houston.

No 21 gun salute given the current climate. NRA volunteered to do it, but some concern about them raising their rifles.

Notably absent due to chilly temperatures was Miss America, who assumed it was a swimsuit event.

Some fashionista chatter re: Michelle Obama’s Thome Browne dress made from neckties; Joan Rivers claimed they were her late husband Edgar’s.

President and Mrs. Obama attended Church’s Chicken before the ceremony.

Nothing but statues in the Statuary Hall for the Congressional Luncheon.

Katy Perry does a creditable if risqué job leading the inaugural parade clad in constitutional top and bill of rights short shorts.

While the Romneys were unable to clear the date to attend, they sent a ginormous Stonewall Kitchen jam, chutney and whoopie pie basket.

Just now learned my wife tore up my Inaugural Invitation thinking it was more begging from the DNC . . .

That’s All the Inaugural News That Isn’t, Special Edition.