Posted tagged ‘sick rantorum’

Creationist Discovers 60 Year-Old T-Rex and All the News That Isn’t

June 1, 2015

Asked which superhero he would be Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said he was torn between Captain America and Captain Underpants.
Later said he was misquoted.
Asked the same question Rand Paul said Ant Man. Not that he wanted to be but that he was.
Donald Trump said would not accept the demotion.

Federal Court rules immigrants must be deported in the order they arrived–so the English are first to go. Gonna take a while–they breed like flies.

Ireland votes Erin go boys.

Vatican calls Irish vote “a defeat for humanity” but one small step for the priesthood.

So far the only move slumping McDonald’GREEN-BABY-T-REX-55028s has made it leaving Hamburglar to the Cleveland police.

President Obama takes bold executive action to protect America’s drinking water.
So I’d stay away from it if I were you.

After losing Marine Bristol Palin still needs few good men.

Milwaukee Brewers called Iraqi army of baseball.
Iraqi army files formal protest.

George Pataki announcement sends everyone running to Google.
Think he was a tank commander in WWII.
Motley Crue sues GOP candidates.

If your Apple Watch heart monitor gets erratic use the defibrillator app.

Sepp Blatter is Swiss for Dick Cheney.
Knew something fishy was going on when Pyongyang got the World Cup.
Putin bribed Sepp Blatter with a Super Bowl ring.
After cleaning up global football US vows to clean up global goat’s head polo.

Reinvented Rick Santorum means he probably will not bring up marrying your dog this time.
Even as a kid he was known as Sick Rantorum.

Saw a down and out NSA guy sitting at an intersection with a “will work for metadata” sign.
NSA fallback is dumpster diving.
Congress looking at revised New England Patriot Act.

Google solar powered drone crashes on first cloudy day ever in New Mexico.

SnapChat brings in $538 million from investors; unfortunately, 7 seconds later it disappears.

Canadian creationist discovers 60 year old T-Rex.

Specific text that will brick your iPhone most likely lol or repeated lolololol. In caps for sure.
Also watch for omg, lmao, yolo.

The mother who went to jail rather than have her son circumcised fails when she can’t take his penis with her.
Wait until it has a mind of its own and let it decide.

Governor Walker caps off the Wisconsin Legislative Follies of 2015 with the downgrading of the University of Wisconsin to the University of Herzing–Go you Herzing Badgers!

On his recent trade mission to Israel, cheese for sedar plates, Governor Walker did not allow the press to come along, saying he would personally blog what he encountered in the Holy Land.
Here, in an All the News That Isn’t Special Report, Scott Walker’s Israel Blog Aleph:

Oy, vat a trip! Vay is mere! 16 hours on Visconsin Air Nationl Guard c-one-toity–I wouldn’t wish on a dog! My tuchise hurt so bad I stand und hold the strap for 5 tousand miles! Molotov! But ho boy vot a reception at Ben Gurion, the airport–treated like I am Gurion! Bibi calls me mein imbecile (means little) shabbos goy! For it is a borucha to turn on the shul lights, put down the seats, sweep, and close up after. And the geleckhter when I ask for a bigger yalmeka to cover my bald spot! All the way to the wailing wall we laughed. Vouldn’t ya know you can’t mix Visconsin cheese mit Visconsin sausage and the farshtunkene, pork sausage– traif! But Israelis very forgiving except in biblical sense. Had to do again would not bring “Jesus Calling” for Bibi, still ” I’ll throw it on the pile” promising. Ach! Home here in the Father–Holy– Land among my mishpocha–mere voids cannot express. My Tevya—eef I vas a riicch man, doydle, doydle, doyldle dee–surprised more than a few in Jerusalem at the very gate Jesus walked through, now bricked up. “Vot,” I say, “you expecting maybe a toid coming?” lol, lol, lol, (vich is the same in Hebrish–and, yes, they have fressbook, also). Maybe the Japanese rabbi joke–don’t rook Jewish–not so gut. The same by us: everybody with the sensibilities these days. More I write when time I have–everyone btw blogs here, they call it to verblunget. Shalom, shmucks,
Tevye (jk)

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .