Posted tagged ‘shkreli bail raised 5k%’

Marmosets Flying Drones and All the News That Isn’t

December 21, 2015

12-21-15

 

California says driverless cars must have a steering wheel and brakes. OK with me either way–I never use ’em.

There has to be a driver in driverless cars, although you can put an inflatable behind the wheel– just move him over from the passenger side..

I’d like to have a self-driving car and neither of us drive. Just park and talk.

Maybe stop at a driverless-in for something food-less.

 

You know if driverless cars must have drivers, drones will soon be required to have marmosets flying them.

Bad enough you’re supposed to register them–before I register they will have to pry my drone out of my cold dead neighbor’s head.

 

In the Newsless News–

 

Pharmaceutical CEO Martin Shkreli’s bail increased 5000%.

Shkreli will be incarcerated with lifers on Daraprim.

 

Homeland Security retrieves the Terror Alert Thermometer–United Way had it.

The problem with Homeland Security has always been that it sounds like a Savings & Loan.

 

Rate increase by the Fed could send personal savings rates skyrocketing to .25%.

 

Fake email threat that shutdown LA Unified schools was signed Ferris Bueller.

 

Vladimir Putin says of Donald Trump, “Is reminding me of self.”

In Israel the new Star Wars released as The Foreskin Awakens.

The Force Awakens brings redemption for older men who’ve had little use for their light sabers until now.

 

Bernie accesses Hillary’s Tinder data.

 

Mother Theresa gets her second miracle while Pete Rose fails to get his first.

 

Due to climate change, Lake Superior is warming 2 degrees per decade–should be safe to take a plunge by 2525.

 

Thanks to Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher you get a senior discount at The Force Awakens.

 

Not only is there a Nativity scene in a Tennessee McDonald’s, the three wise men are Ronald McDonald, the Hamburglar, and Mayor McCheese.

 

Tom Brady misses Patriots practice after coming down with the Trumps.

 

Caitlyn Jenner is named Barbara Walters most fascinating person of 2015, while Bruce Jenner is named the least.

 

That’s All the News That Isn’tuntitled