Posted tagged ‘philae harpoon’

Poor Little Philae and All the News That Isn’t

November 17, 2014

11-17-14

Putin putting a shawl over Chinese President Xi’s wife was maybe a good move, but putting a shawl over Obama was going too far.
That convoy of Russian tanks going into Ukraine? Carrying shawls for soldiers shoulders. That Sister Susie sewed.

Hard not to identify with little comet lander Philae–
Travel 40 million miles, get one shot at it and your harpoon doesn’t fire.
Probably psychological after being ejected by Rosetta.
Hit the target, bounce a mile up in the air and land in a ditch.
Sounds all too familiar.
Barely enough energy left for one drill.
Why land on a comet when it’s the same as staying here?

China agrees to blow all emissions into Russia in retribution for Putin messing with Xi’s wife.
Chinese emissions–half hour later you feel like emitting again.
On the other side of the globe–you know half their emissions will be nocturnal.

In the Brave New Republican World, the red tide will change the EPA to the ERA– Environmental Rejection Agency–and not only build the Keystone sludge pipeline but let it empty into the Mississippi, greatly reducing transportation costs.
Obamacare will be amended to exclude all pre-existing, existing, and pretty likely to exist conditions.

Mormon Church admits it was originally the Church of Latter Day Wives.
They say that founder Joseph Smith had up to 40 monogamous wives.
By now, even the youngest would be 214.

In fairness, the Mormons were the new Israelites, and King David had a pyramid scheme of wives. The Ten Commandments said don’t covet neighbors’ wives, nothing about collecting them.
Well, it’s a thin line between monogamy and monotony.
I had 2 wives, myself, but sequentially. Could’ve saved a lot of time.

First house in Hawaii has been incinerated by lava, and, it he’s anything like me, the guy forgot to pay the lava insurance. Better check–it’s not covered in homeowner’s.

Taken this long for Kim Kardashian to get it all back in again. That’s why they oiled it.
Kim Kardashian’s rear end sure puts things in perspective.
Now we know what happened to Kris Humphries–he’s still in that thing.
Kanye better watch his step–slippery.
Lot like landing on a comet.

Long term marijuana use linked to abnormalities in the far-out region of the brain.
People who still call it grass should be allowed to buy it at True Value.

In the US, Ebola’s better but my Republican’s inflamed.
On the net neutrality front, Ted Cruz says let them eat dial-up!

The Russian ruble has plunged so far Putin was hoping Madame Xi would tip when he helped her with her wrap.

Post Office snail mail has been hacked by a Shopper Stopper denial of service attack–that’s where the Shopper Stoppers don’t stop.

Taking the Kardashian dare, Taylor Swift is greasing up.

Cake boss Buddy Valastro arrested for driving while frosted.

More turkeys planning to travel this Thanksgiving. At least those that already aren’t frozen in their tracks.

Republicans deport the President’s turkey before he could pardon it.

Arkansas governor Mike Beebe pardons his son on a drug conviction–but you’re still grounded, mister!

Here in Wisconsin, with control of both houses freeing up the legislative process, Governor Scott Walker decides to take the capitol condo . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .B2VUCpOCAAENyMs.jpg thumb