11-14-11
Berlusconi and Paterno to job swap.
Make-a-Wish Foundation takes Penn State off list.
And with Joe Paterno just 40 years short of retirement.
Coach Paterno does not yet realize he’s been fired–can’t just haul him off the sideline like cord wood.
Sue still stands by the door with his sack lunch every morning.
Nittany Lions get Nittany lawyers.
Pennsylvania changes name to Sylvania.
Nebraska Cornhuskers showered in Lincoln before heading to College Station.
In other news, Perry excommunicated when he remembers the Father and Son can’t recall the Holy Ghost.
Cain, on the other hand, remembers nothing.
After Arab League rebuke, Syria to join Arab Indoor League.
Mars turns back microbe-laden Russian probe.
The Russian Mars probe got as far as Minsk, where if found no signs of life.
I’m sorry, but these are the guys we’re hitching rides to the space station with?
Berlusconi like dead grandpa who keeps coming down to breakfast.
Conrad Murray placed under own medical care.
Lindsay in handcuffs really does it for me.
Bill Clinton’s new book “Profiles in Décolletage.”
Occupy Wall Street looking for a nice little pied a terre nearby.
Fired Oscar producer only said gay people like to rehearse.
Farm ad first for Cain in Iowa because they’ve seen it all on the farm.
Asked how everything’s going committee says super.
Be one big turkey this Thanksgiving.
Cain accuser says not being remembered the worst part.
Herman claimed he had a slice in his pocket.
UN suspects Iran nuclear arsenal has military use.
Israel offers to bomb Iran back to Persia.
Next Republican debate will be a lineup. Usual suspects.
EU loses Italy adds Vatican.
Ohioans rolling back the union-busting law is like the little Belgian boy peeing on the Nazis.
Asteroid nothing like aircraft carrier.
Perry like the ex who won’t move on.
The battery’s better but iPhone 4S users report family issues.
Tiger in comfort zone down under.
Billy Crystal to host 1985 Oscars. Joe Piscopo wasn’t available.
A fifth woman says Cain did Fred Sanford routine endlessly.
After election setback Mississippi embryos form Occupy Womb.
With 20th child the Duggars will have their cords tied to one another.
A little surprising are the three black, two Asian and one Pacific Islander kids.
and the NBA decides to go back to throwing rocks in peach baskets . . .
. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .
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