Posted tagged ‘neanderthans were vice presidents’

All the News That Isn’t

August 21, 2012

8-20-12

Todd ‘Legitimate Rape’ Akin supplants Paulie Ryan as top conservative intellectual.

Short run for Paulie who, as a B-minus student at Janesville Craig, was leading the intellectual pack.

Paulie Ryan finally driven off the front page by Miley Cyrus’s
haircut. Kind of a deconstructed Bart Simpson.

Only got a Quayle-light bounce from his selection.

He still has the Ryan budget, so called because he’s unable to budge it.

The Romney people have asked Ryan to stop referring to the plan as The Final Solution, and to Medicare as Medicide.

Good news is Paulie Ryan has been granted asylum in Ecuador.

Romney has paid as much as 13% in taxes, but only tips 10%–if the service is good.

This is the same rate my 18 year old pays on her declared baby-sitting. The bulk of her babysitting income is in the Cayman Islands. And, of course, the Swiss accounts.

Curiously, the Romney figure is the same as the luxury tax. Most likely for bric-a-brac at the La Jolla-on-Sea estate.

Or, what he might have done was add together Ann & his 6.5% Salt Lake sales taxes and, after running it past Paulie Ryan, come up with 13%.

The hope is Mr. Romney will release his returns so the rest of us can figure out how to get off with a 13% rate.

On holy land junket, Republican congressmen recreate Jesus’ drunken nude swim in Galilee–fortunately none walk on water.

Russian punk band Pussy Riot gets 2 years in the Gulag while Lady Antebellum walks around free.

Arizona begins wrist tattoo ID’s for suspected immigrants.

Consumer confidence even with consumer angst.

Current thinking is Neanderthals didn’t mate with humans but did serve as vice presidents.

Steve Jobs home burglarized and all his Samsung tablets stolen.

Question is, how did the burglar know he wasn’t at home?

Birth control for men formulated–they’re calling it beer.

Ecuador adds Wikileaker Assange to its portfolio of bananas, pot and money transfers.

Sexting is, like, so over when it appears in the Merriam-Webster.

F-bomb makes the dictionary, too, but it occurs so often should be the f-carpet bomb. Bleep bomb for Real Housewives fans.

Kristen Stewart to star in Snow Off-White.

To aid UN waste management effort, Bill Gates puts a billion dollars into Vapoorize.

Fukushima butterflies fine, it’s the world that’s abnormal.

Walnuts said to be good for you walnuts.

Stock freefall, or, the Facebook on the Barroom Floor.

GM recalls 40,000 cruisers leaving 80,000 cops stranded at Dunkin’ Donuts.

In second preseason loss Packers opt for no-huddle-no-offense offense,

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .