Posted tagged ‘hilla the hun’

Ultron Deodorant and All the News That Isn’t

May 4, 2015

5-4-2015

NASA spacecraft collides with Mercury–Obama blamed.
Before obliterating against Mercury the craft provided valuable data showing the planet was straight ahead.
NASA plans future target shooting at all 8 planets, Pluto, and you mother’s house.

Best headline of NFL draft, LA Times: “Jameis Winston breaks out crab legs after getting Number One.”
I like “Jameis Is!”

Tesla wants to sell you batteries for your house but I’m sticking with the wind-up key.

Consumer sediment is up. Sentiment.
Not a real sentimental consumer–I consume with abandon.

Avengers: Age of Ultron not about a really big deodorant.

Milwaukee Bucks rhymed by the Bulls.
Well, they put up a good fight except when it counted.

On this episode of “Rich Guy’s Rockets,” Jeff Bezos homes in on Elon Musk’s rocket, while Richard Branson crosses rockets with Kim Jong Un.

Anonymous messaging app Secret shuts down with an unprintable text. Don’t know from who.

Father of our country indicted in George Washington Bridge Case.

Bernie Sanders out to make Bernie Sanders sound presidential.
So liberal he makes his opponent look like Hilla the Hun.
Really most of the Hillary/Bernie policy differences are fashion policy. And not many of those.

Donald Trump took the new double-chin drug and eliminated his head.
Just that silly toupee on his neck.

Brewers this close to shooting the dog.

Polls show most Americans approve of drone strikes on neighbors they don’t care for providing their name doesn’t come up.

Another poll indicates that half of all Americans would call in a drone strike on themselves if it were Amazon Prime.

Slumping McDonalds completely rethinks its menu with McHaggis.
Because old McDonald used everything.
McHaggis shake–once you get used to the color and smell, you’ll never drink anything else.

The Obama Library, long overdue, goes to Chicago’s Hoffman Estates O’Hare approach.
Homeowners only too happy to make way.
Highlight will be a holographic drone targeting game, Drone On and On.

Jeb Bush so far has kept off the weight by avoiding native dishes like rice & beans and chorizo.
Eventually he will return to looking much more like Barbara than George Sr.

This note from the bottom of the presidential declaration form: * Limit 2 presidencies per family.

Millennials favor Hillary Clinton for President but Rand Paul for disc golf.

Most of the questions from the Supreme Court Justices on same-sex marriage centered on how the honeymoon worked.

Scott Walker has been on the campaign trail so long he had to apply for a visa to return to Wisconsin.
Because of his immigration policies, it’s no sure thing.

Duchess Kate gives birth to a Duchette.

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . . 1414042509311_Image_galleryImage_Marvel_s_Avengers_Age_of_