Posted tagged ‘final whad’ya know’

Chunnel Corks and All the News That Isn’t

June 27, 2016

6-27-16

 

Study finds the price point for doctors accepting a free meal to prescribe opioids is the $10.49 Garlic Mussels Marinara at Olive Garden. The most expensive item on the menu, so they don’t come cheap.

 

Doctors are being replaced by a new Google medical app, where you enter your symptoms and a Henny Youngman voice says “Well, don’t do that.”

 

Hillary says a Donald Trump presidency would result in vermin, lice, locusts, plagues, frogs, boils, restless legs, rock-hard stools, a feeling that you’ve forgotten something, and a world-wide financial panic.

Trump says he would make billions on a world-wide financial panic.

 

Donald Trump calls Hillary Clinton the most corrupt person to ever run for President, present company excepted.

 

Wisconsin Senator-who-doesn’t-know-he-is-one Ron Johnson breaks with his peers by coming out in favor of gub control. No, that’s definitely a ‘b’ .

 

The Trump campaign is nearly broke since it’s counter-intuitive to give money to a billionaire.

 

Giant corks already heading to both ends of the Chunnel as Britain exits the European Union.

The English Channel has been renamed the English Moat.

Upside: the pound sterling is a real bargain at a ha’penny.

Scotland intends to stay with Europe but will have to wait for continental drift to do it.

 

An electric car goes 0-60 in a second and a half. But then you have to recharge it.

Still, if it’s real important to get somewhere in a second and a half, this is your vehicle.

 

New dark spot seen on Neptune, but it could be worse–could be on Uranus.

I’m going to miss Uranus references the most.

You can say Uranus on public radio. As much as you want. Uranus.

 

The new Panama Canal will go lengthways instead of across, from Punta Arenas in Chile, to Juneau, Alaska.

 

Turns out the Marine in the iconic Iwo Jima photo was Ronald Reagan–all his war stories were true!

 

Mark Zuckerberg puts tape over his Mac Book camera, audio jack, and unspecified parts of himself.

 

After several setbacks, the latest North Korean missile launch successfully strikes an uncle 1,000 kms away.

 

Even as we speak, Britain is removing all universal symbols from roads, terminals and toilets.

 

In Congress, the House sits in the House which sits in the House, resulting in nesting Houses.

Or, the House is in the House.

All to get a vote on the Republican gun control measure: a chest bump and a point to heaven.

 

International Yoga Day, fine, but what about International Hey Boo-Boo Day?

 

And, still $800,000 in campaign debt even after selling the house, Governor Walker will try Kickstarter to raise the funds–that fails, he will borrow some of the Wisconsin highway repair funds just sitting there, because it is not the role of the government to repair roads.

 

That’s All the News That Isn’t

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