Posted tagged ‘All the WI News That Isn’t’

All the Wisconsin News That Isn’t

February 26, 2011

All the Wisconsin News That Isn’t

In a daring Blazing Saddles move, Governor Walker tells the throng, “pass this bill or Scotty gets it!”

Then, inexplicably, he says “Mr. Gorbachev, tear this wall down!”

And something about outsiders from Nevada putting hallucinogen pills in teachers’ coffee.

Vows to pass a raft of regressive legislation and rename the state Wisconsisippi.

The Race to the Bottom.

Probably shouldn’t have called the package Killzone 3.

Something very bad happened to Scott Walker in 4th grade, and it’s been festering ever since.

It’s been tough, though. How do you answer a first grader who wants to know why the Governor wants to hurt Mrs. Rose?

Instead of earrings and perfume, a lot of teachers will be getting pepper spray and nunchucks this Christmas.

When the sleepovers are over, the Capitol will go up for sale as a nice little fixer-upper. The Koch brothers might pick it up for an Eagle’s Nest retreat for the governor.

Governor Walker’s fireside chat was a good idea, but I thought the cauldron was a bit much. Eye of math teacher, liver of blaspheming counselor. . .

Didn’t work when Khadafy tried it either.

You know a guy who takes the same sandwich for 22 years is not about to change his mind. He’s still driving a Saturn.

The governor does have a lot of supporters; little do they know, they’re next.
Everything must go!

Meanwhile, poor Senator Fred Risser–an 84 year old man–living out of a suitcase at the Rockford Clock Tower Resort and Water Park.

The errant Wisconsin senators are out of toiletries and towels, ate the expensive nuts out of desperation, and the cable sucks.

Try to slip home for a nap and the neighbor calls the cops. And you better believe they know which neighbor.

Wisconsin State Troopers, meanwhile, have withdrawn their support of Walker–better watch your speed on I-94, guv, if you can do more than 65 in that Saturn. Especially out there by the Patrol headquarters in Waukesha.

Democrats’ counter-proposal is that the governor work for merit pay.

Anticipating the loss of benefits, teachers are telling the kids to bring their own Kleenex and hand sanitizers. Hall passes–$5 bucks.

A huge number of kids have been out protesting for teachers, who, they can only hope would do the same for them should conditions arise.

Governor Walker has not ruled out faith-based collective bargaining. I assume his wife Tonette will handle that.

Wisconsin, Indiana, Ohio: Austria, Poland, France. I’m just saying.

If firing the air traffic controllers brings down the Berlin Wall, I’m in favor of it, but it looks like whatever happened to young Scotty must have been in Social Studies class.

Middle West unrest drives milk higher. Many farmers are milking over their heads.

Illinois is the new Switzerland.

Wisconsin Governor Walker pranked by someone claiming to be the ghost of Christmas past.

Ukrainian nurse stands by Governor.

And, in the spirit of sacrifice, Governor Walker says he will cut back to ham & cheese on wheat, hold the mayo.

That’s All the Wisconsin News That Isn’t

Michael Feldman tweaks the WI state capitol.