Chickosaur Crosses Road Wherever and All the News That Isn’t


Using gene editing scientists have created a chicken with dinosaur legs–drumstick, please!
Next, Buffalo Pterodactyl Wings!

Pete Rose endorses Donald Trump with hopes for a presidential pardon.

Graphic video of line worker misconduct at the Kellogg’s plant reveals how they get the snap crackle and pop.
It’s a young man’s job.

New holes in Cuban embargo allow shortstops, second basemen and short relievers through.

In the only thing resembling a platform so far Donald Trump promises riots if he is Trump-blocked at the GOP convention.

Bernie Sanders says if he is denied the Democratic nomination it will be a whole megillah and a big tsimmis.

After winning Ohio Governor John Kasich says he’ll go all the way to Cleveland, a good 140 miles from Columbus.

President Obama nominates Kansas as NCAA champs–too bad, though they had a chance.

While in Cuba President Obama promises to find a two barrel carb for a ’57 Bel Air 283.

Apple legionnaires will fall on their swords rather than open the iArkoftheCovenant.

More Americans certified as DNH–Do Not Heimlich. Don’t like the contact.

Google says all of its online content–except Hillary’s–is encrypted.

Experts say best way to stop smoking is to have a man who doesn’t seem to like you bullwhip it out of your lips.

Putin pulls out prematurely and an ex-wife somewhere in Ukraine smiles and nods.

Amazon adding third party human organ stores to its lineup.

Marco–we’ll always have Puerto Rico.

Besides still not being interested in the Speakership he holds, local boy made good Paulie Ryan is not interested in the Presidency, NFL commissioner, host of The Apprentice and head of FIFA.

NFL acknowledges CTE brain damage in the boardroom.
Easy to miss concussions at NFL games–hard to hear with all those thuds.
I say NFFL–National Flag Football League.
Need back pockets on the pants, though, for those cute little yellow flags.

When Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland’s mother calls him no one answers.
If he doesn’t get this job he would make a great-sounding English department chairman.

A dozen airmen at a nuclear base in Wyoming are investigated for drug use–but you try sitting in a silo–in Wyoming–for 12 hours at a crack with nothing, hopefully, to do.
Doubt they let you listen to tunes–might not hear the Trump launch code.

Sea World jumps the shark on Orcas.
Said they wouldn’t breed Orcas, didn’t say they wouldn’t date them.

Difficult patients get worse care while in the hospital, while good ones are killed with kindness.

UberEats is a new service where an Uber drivers comes over and eats you.

Turns out Donald Trump’s son ordered the white powder that came in the mail.

American ISIS defector says “I made a bad decision.”
Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself.

And, in Milwaukee, the billion dollar new Bucks arena enters the Guinness Book as the world’s largest pastrami on pumpernickel:

That’s All the News That Isn’t

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