5 hour Energy and All the News That Isn’t


Following the Oscars diversity row, Straight Outta Compton will be reshot with a black bear attack.

The Rolling Stones will do a free concert in Cuba, their first since the Batista regime.

ISIS lines up behind Tim Cook and Apple in support of the impregnable iPhone.
Join ISIS now you get an AK-47 and an iPhone 6 plus,gold, while supplies last.
When they run out they just overrun another Apple Store in the Levant.

Reports say Osama Bin-Laden was worried his wife had a tracking device in her tooth. Should’ve been easy to find, there was just the one.
No, really, 6 wives with up to 32 teeth each you can see the problem.
Osama may have had a dental tracking device installed on her himself and just forgot he did it.

Mitt Romney calls on Donald Trump to be shunned, but he’s not Latter Day Saints. Don’t think you can shun a Presbyterian–they don’t like it.

President Obama says he will be staying in Washington during his Presidency.
Check that, should read after his presidency.

President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee is in limbo, so it’s unclear whether God or the Devil will vet this one. Could go either way.

Chick-fil-A is providing cell phone ‘coops’ where phones can be ‘chicked’ so diners may pay full attention to their guns while eating.
Hon, let’s dine at Chick-fil-A–just bring the derringer, we won’t be there long.

After spilling fruit salad on a fresh suit of clothes Ben Carson is out.

Many college cafeterias are banning energy drinks because of the correlation with unabated 5 hour sex.
Retirement homes, meanwhile, are laying them in by the truckload.
But remember if you experience more than 5 hours of energy, ring the night nurse.

Looking like the Presidential race will be playground bully versus girl who’s not afraid of him.

Bernie Sanders has been campaigning more and more at early bird specials.
Tuna salad on toast, Sanka, small fruit plate.

Cruz and Rubio bond after full frontal assault on Donald Trump, and plan to open a class action law firm in Miami, Cruz, Rubio and Moscowitz.

First order of business for President Trump: John Oliver’s visa.

The Trump cabinet will be filled with Apprentice winners seasons 1 through 12, Bill Rancic through Arsenio Hall.

Google self-driving car defects to Uber.

Learning a new sport is said to be good for the brain right up to the concussion.

That’s All the News That Isn’tindex

Explore posts in the same categories: comedy, politics, radio

Tags: , , ,

Both comments and pings are currently closed.

One Comment on “5 hour Energy and All the News That Isn’t”

  1. Matt Says:

    We love you, Michael!!!


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: