Clam Engraving World’s Oldest Profession and All the News That Isn’t


North Korea denies hacking Sony Pictures, but Annie now stars Kim Jong Un as Daddy Warbucks.
Sony made the mistake of storing all its passwords in a folder marked ‘password,’ instead of a secured folder coded ‘asswordpay.’

100 brains missing from the University of Texas. A conservative estimate.
So far no missing brain reports.
Collected because brains still a novelty in Texas.

17 states band together to sue President Obama. That would be a confederacy, no?
Does mark the first time Wisconsin has joined the confederacy.
Well, the President shouldn’t have said ‘so sue me!’
Any litigants not suing the President are asked to clear the docket.

Duggar family reproduction close to critical mass; geneticists fear imminent Duggar DNA Big Bang.

Confirmed that was Richard III in the English car park because he was buried under a two door.

Cyber Monday was good but Hacker Tuesday was through the roof!

Only 349 shopping days til Black Friday.

So far Ray Rice has only been offered an elevator job at the Baltimore Hilton.
That’s counter-intuitive.

NASA Orion-Nowhere-Near-Mars Mission goes nowhere near Mars.
Thought it was the Onion Mars Mission because it sounds like it.

President Obama’s interest in police body cams a little icky.
Like he wants to see all those clips of Dunkin Donuts waitresses.

Had Ashton Carter not accepted the Defensive Department nomination the only remaining candidate to head the pentagon was Cap’n Crunch.

France recognizes the Palestinian state but still holds back on England.

LeBron may be too cavalier for Cleveland.

An engraved half-million year-old mollusk makes clam engraving the world’s oldest profession.

North Koreans ordered to remove ‘Jong Un’ from their names, and all Kims will be shot on sight.
Plus, anyone over 5 foot 3 will be lowered a foot.

Johnny Manziel taking night classes in accountancy.

Alabama anti-discrimination bill called the Tim Cook You Gotta Problem With That Bill.

This just in–the 100 brains stolen in Texas have been found at the Everything a Brain Store.

The House’s very first piece of legislation ends benefits for Nazis, many of whom had been grand-Nazi’d in.
Redundant, anyway, since Nazis are covered under Homeowners.

Mediterranean Diet could be the key to longer life if you go easy on the Albania.

Turns out ‘cease-fire’ means something entirely different in Russian.

Here in Wisconsin, despite believing in Right to Work, Governor Scott Walker has no plans to get a job.

That’s All the News That Isn’tclamshell-500x334

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