If I Could Keep Exercise in a Bottle and All The News That Isn’t


That time of year again–torn between celebrating Grey Thursday, Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
Oh, and there’s another holiday in there, too, Thanksgiving.
That’s when the Pilgrims thanked the Indians for working on Thursday so they could get a head start on Christmas shopping.

Deer gun season is on in Wisconsin for folks who’d rather spend Grey Thursday and Black Friday in deer camp knowing they can be home for Cyber Monday.
Finally get to use all that deer urine been saving up all year.
You get deer urine by holding your gun on a buck for a half hour before shooting.

On the immigration front, Republicans are suing to deport Barack Obama.
Quite a few Cruzes on the deportation list–if I were Ted Cruz I’d just let it go.

Speaker Boehner says that President Obama has poisoned the well they threw him in.
Republicans plan to shut down the government until every man, woman and child willing to work is thrown out of the country for making the rest of us look bad.
A little shortsighted–what are the Republicans going to do with no one to do their landscaping?

The Weather Channel’s winter storm Al Roker pummels the east coast.
Buffalo is now a frozen Pompeii with people captured under 6 feet of snow in the act of shoveling and digging out their cars.

Adrian Peterson has been suspended for the season for some quality time with the kids.
Peterson will keep busy coaching Pop Warner.
Just my luck though–in Fantasy League I had Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice and Jay Cutler.

Asked about the 54 year difference between him and his new bride, Charles Manson says “if she dies, she dies.”

New hydrogen powered fuel cell cars have only one drawback: they have to be refueled at science fairs.

Messing with the Hulk’s wife could be the tipping point in the Cosby case.
Charles Manson’s comeback going a lot better than Bill Cosby’s.

Colorado charters its first bank for the marijuana industry, First Weed Savings & Toke.

Paul Ryan to chair the House No-Way By No-Means Committee.

They can’t keep Exercise in a Bottle on the shelf!

GPS can find dark matter in space but not where highway 26 shoots off of 151.

Sludge shows no sign of moving in the Keystone pipeline.
Hence the name sludge.

Federal judge to hear Pledge of Allegiance suit to replace “under God” with “under whatever.”

Bottom falls out from Pudding Pops stock.

England puts into service the first Poo Bus, powered by passenger generated methane gas. So, no go–no go.
Fortunately, the Poo Bus runs between Bristol and Bath, because they’re gonna need one.

Wisconsin’s Scott Walker under the mistaken impression he was elected President.
President Obama has been wondering who belongs to the folding chair behind his desk in the Oval Office.
If he doesn’t get the nomination, Walker is prepared to jump the fence and make a run for it.

That’s All the News That Isn’t stock-photo-40578552-exercise-in-a-bottle

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