Endless Pasta and All the News That Isn’t


In Milwaukee, President Obama says “In heaven there is no beer . . .”
Very nearly his Ich bin ein Berliner moment.

Massive increase in carbon dioxide has people holding their breath.
Then you’ve got to try to choke off your methane.

Russia annexes Scotland averting a UK constitutional crisis.
I say Scottish independence now before Mel Gibson can make another movie.

Home depot data breached with everyday objects you can buy at Home Depot.

That’s Prince William in the throne room again with the morning sickness.
All babies are royal babies.

In the ISIS Crisis–
Trying to round up a posse, President Obama ends up in a remake of High Noon.
Probably not the guy you want to send to round up a posse–could lead to a Blazing Saddles situation.
The President says it will be a long effort eliminating ISIS, running well into the second Jenna Bush administration.
I did look it up and “a sustained effort to rout militants” is war.

Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin gets 10 years in a FEMA trailer.

Panera bans guns after man stirs up his strawberry parfait with a .38.

Now they want to keep our guns out of Krogers! When I pack At Krogers–and I don’t mean groceries–they take me 15 items more or less.

Due to health problems Rob Ford will not run again for mayor–or–
The Tumor That Saved Toronto.

What we take away from the Pistorius trial is always ask “honey, are you in there?” before shooting up the bathroom.

The Apple iWatch: the most annoying thing on your wrist since whatsername.

iPhone6 somewhat of a disappointment when the much anticipated iColonoscopy app is a no-show.
Apple’s Tim Cook calls it “epic.” In fairness, he calls his BM’s epic.

Olive Garden never ending pasta pass is the Magna Carta of fast food sit down.
No longer a recurring nightmare like the horrific Bottomless Salad.

Drug companies will take back unwanted drugs–now how about taking back the unwanted symptoms?

Airlines now allow you to listen to your Walkman if you put it in airplane mode.

Comrade Edward Snowden says the NSA has nude pictures of us all. Which means Snowden has nude pictures of us all. Which means Putin has nude pictures of us all. Which means, finally, Putin has nude pictures of Palin.

If you want your pictures in the Cloud throw them from the Bridge.
Otherwise, stash your Polaroids under the undies, second drawer from top.

Putin did not say he would take Kiev he said he would take Chicken Kiev.

New Israeli subdivision El Rancho Gaza fails to attract buyers.

Consumer Sediment reaches new depth.

Turning point on President Obama’s ISIS policy was not being able to get a tee time on Labor Day. Hey, they don’t control tee times in Martha’s Vineyard, yet.

New phone scam going around–if someone calls claiming to be your conscience and tells you withdraw $10,000 for yourself, hang up! Even if the voice sounds familiar.

UW Madison is 13th among Best Public Colleges–using Big 10 accounting we’re in the Top Ten!
Princeton again comes in number one school in the Princeton Review of Colleges. Had it been Badger Review, results may have been different.

That’s All the News That Isn’t pasta

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