Archive for August 2014

Been Long Time for Neanderthals and All News That Isn’t

August 25, 2014


Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan says ALS patients should douse themselves with ice water.

Indicted Texas Governor Rick Perry takes the ALS challenge in his cell with cup of tepid water, for which he is hosed-down by guards. So that worked out.

President Obama takes a working golf outing on Martha’s Vineyard because the Jihadist threat doglegs to the left.

Hillary throws Cubs cap in the ring, possibly with head in it.
Reaffirming allegiance to the worst team in baseball possibly not the best move, politically.

Big question in basketball, will Steve Windows Ballmer’s LA Clippers have a start button?

Speaking of which Windows 9 is coming. That means Windows 10 is just around the corner. Once they get all the way up to Windows 95, we will have come full circle. And then it’s out the windows.

Body cameras probably a good idea for police, but you know a cop’s body cam will be filled with waitress outtakes.

Snag holds up iPhone 6 production—Apple can’t get enough angel’s tears.
Jeff Bezos at Amazon cut a deal with the angels.

To lure passengers back, United offers a hot meal and a warm place to poop.
Fly the Basic Needs of United.

Research finds athletic kids can bulk up grey matter in brains and still not get much out of ‘em.

Cow jumps over moon, butter prices follow.
And even pigs can’t afford to be makin’ bacon.

NFL will pay Coldplay not to play at Super Bowl halftime. Nicki Minaj will perform, but was told she must face the crowd at all times.
After reacting ungraciously to detractors, Johnny Football now Johnny Flip-Off.

Neanderthals and humans last had sex 40,000 years ago and I know how they feel.

Released emails from grand jury investigation finds Red Cross disaster relief funds funneled into Governor President Walker campaign. Would explain the tsunami of cash.

A reminder—while your teens need to be vaccinated, there is not yet a vaccine for simply being a teen.

Older people sleep less since that’s when older people tend to die.

From his cell Rick Perry was heard to call for overwhelming force against Islamic State, although he may have said Florida State. Was muffled.

TSA airport scanners have been hacked; you can now order your posture pictures in 8 x 10, 5 x 7 or wallet size to trade with your fellow passengers.

That’s All the News That Isn’tneanderthal_elderly

Pope Saves Kia Soul and All the News That Isn’t

August 18, 2014

All the News That Isn’tindex

Don’t eat salt, eat salt, it’s enough to make you cry–and that’s more salt!

In South Korea, Pope Francis saves his first Kia Soul.

Apple is storing its data in China in the iKungPao cloud.

In the taxi app wars, Berlin bans Uber und Alles.

After a 10 year and 4 billion mile journey to see one, turns out comets look a heckuva lot better from a distance. Big misshapen potato.

Bird fossil big as a very large man Penguinis lebronus found in Antarctica.

Russian hackers may have gotten my password–being followed by a Leo Tolstoy on twitter @countleo.

Johnny Manziel and Justin Bieber neck and neck for the Browns quarterback job.

VW recalls 150,000 cars making an achtung noise.

Mummies and Joan Rivers much older than they look due to being very well preserved.

Ice water now thought to cause ALS.

Wicked witch of the west dies from taking ALS ice water challenge.

Geneticists have edited the banana genome to have as many as 12 a’s and 8 n’s.

Aid convoy arrives at Ukraine border with load of used Russians.

In Ferguson, MO, first time anyone’s been happy to see the state patrol.

Here in Wisconsin, the city of Neenah reassures that its armored military vehicles will only be used against Menasha.

Sea World will upgrade Killer Whale habitats or else.

A thousand mini-robots who swarm together begin filling state jobs.

Texas governor Rick Perry indicted for wearing lensless glasses.

Abuse of power is a synonym for Governor of Texas.
Savannah Guthrie and I are happy to announce the arrival of 8 1/2 pound Vale Guthrie Feldman–I’ve already started her college fund.

That’s All the News That Isn’t