Oprah’s Got a Brand New Bag & All the News That Isn’t
8-19-13
And the thing is Oprah was going to give one of those handbags to everyone in her audience.
In defense of the salesgirl in Zurich, you can see how she might have thought the butler’s wife wouldn’t have the money for a $35,000 bag.
New York City stop-and-frisk is out and frisk-on-the go is in.
The stop-and-bris in Brooklyn is even worse.
Obama-faced rodeo clown new head of Republican National Committee.
Baby boy who can’t be named Messiah in Tennessee has been renamed Holy Jeepers Jones.
London Whale charged although all the krill long gone.
American Airlines and US Air merger blocked as too much of a bad thing.
GOP urges everyone to get real sick and overwhelm Obamacare.
Republicans seek to limit Obamacare to Obama.
In North Carolina you now must show a tarheel to vote.
Utah beauty queen is da bomb!
CIA acknowledges Area 51 but disavows Highway 51, particularly the stretch between Endeavor and Plainfield.
Rush Limbaugh will moderate or whatever the word would be the Republican debates.
Mice fed soda become mousedly obese.
Gun safety teacher who shot student hopes he’s learned a valuable lesson.
Facebook makes people feel bad for never being in their own newsfeed.
Oprah reveals Stedman inspiration for The Butler.
Steinway taken over by a hedge fund. Now pianists will have to dream of a Hedgeway.
More than 28 cups of coffee per week bad for those under 55 but absolutely essential for those over.
Instant replay in baseball: because 3 hours of the Cubs is not nearly enough.
400 pound NFL linemen to be tested for bovine growth hormone.
As Dylan once said, “Give me some milk or else go home.”
Ecuadoran carnivorous panda found to be Ted gone feral after movie flop.
Obesity data show bulge below Bible Belt visible from space, and
100,000 people would rather live on Mars than Kenosha . . .
That’s All the News That Isn’t
Tags: holy jeepers, mars or kenosha, messiah baby, obama rodeo clown, oprah bag
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