All the News That Isn’t
North Korea’s Kim Jong Un vows to restart the chocolate factory.
Satellite photos show massive movements of baking soda and vinegar indicating a possible North Korean missile launch.
Cruise ship Carnival Triumph sold to Disney lines becomes the SS Just Plain Goofy.
The Presidents compromise on gun control: guns but no bullets.
A second Republican comes out for same-sex marriage–I’m hearing wedding bells from the Senate Chapel!
Naturally, it will be same-party marriage for Republicans.
In North Dakota, life now begins with the gleam in daddy’s eye.
South Dakota now the morning-after state.
88,000 jobs created in March held by only 5 or 6 people. Some double-dipping going on here.
Warming temperatures melt 1600 years worth of ice in 25 years, but my wife still won’t give me a break.
Private parts ink for 3D printers all but impossible to find.
President Obama calls Kim Jong Un the best looking minor despot anywhere.
Fired Rutgers coach Mike Rice to guest on Evil Dead.
Patti Davis says that today her father Ronald Reagan might have married Sterling Hayden.
New “Lean In” book for men, “Suck It In,” out.
When teachers are armed only outlaws will have teachers.
Kraft’s squid ink Mac ‘n Cheese fails kids taste test.
Mainers say that’s just how they Zumba.
It appears that President HW Bush not on the Zumba list as first reported. Barbara, however, is.
Insiders say the iPhone 6 is prepaid and disposable.
Presidential initiative to map the brain a no-brainer.
Be a bitch refolding a brain map.
Now if they come up with a manual we’ll be in business.
Conservatives say the brain map is a complete waste of money since there’s only a hammer and anvil in there.
More Americans living together before marriage and fewer after.
In new “Finding Nemo” sequel Dory comes out as a flounder.
Walgreen Clinics expand to intensive care, aisle 6, next to hair and nail care.
Hillary’s new memoir: “It Takes a State Department.”
Hillary will only run in 2016 if the pictures of her in black frames go away.
In the AP stylebook “illegal immigrant” is now “not from around here.”
The morning after pill is now all ages and a rainbow of flavors–wild berry, mango tango, polar ice and bubblelicious–to name just a few.
KFC now has chicken without bones, although you can still get a side of bones. Eventually–no bones, no chicken, just grease and the Colonel’s secret herbs and spices . . .
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