All the News That Isn’t


Not once in the debate a single mention of Asian carp.

After 18 months of railing against the Asian carp, Romney acts like it never happened, while Obama just pocket fished through the whole thing.

The veeps are up next and you know Joe’s got some Asian carp stories. Course, Paulie Ryan actually likes to hand fish ‘em. Trying to impress his father-in-law Jed Clampett.

From hope and change to hope for a change of venue.

Town Hall debate next. Too bad it’s not a debate between two towns. Neenah vs. Menasha I’d like to see.

Was hoping to see a robocall debate. Just phone it in, slurs and all. Then likely voters can just screen it.

For once Mitt etches the right sketch. But you can’t save ‘em.

Romney now figures the 47% of entitled dependent Americans at a lower 14% rate.

But he did say that roughly half of all Americans smell bad.

Middle class goes to court to seek protection from both candidates, who must now stay 1,000 yards away.

After debate debacle Democrat’s spin down to a plate on a very long pole.

Nicki Minaj trounces Mariah Carey in first debate.

Already rolled out the first debate movie, Frankenweenie.

Turns out women were not deleted from the Ikea Saudi catalogue, they were just behind the drapes.

Jobless rate falls just to spite Mitt Romney. Ironically, it was because they used Governor Walker’s numbers.

Chrysler doing so well new De Soto is just around the corner.

In new Lifetime movie, Lindsay Lohan plays both Liz and Dick.

Arnold Schwarzenegger says he knew something was up when the housekeeper’s kid bench pressed his mom while smoking a cigar.

Jets to go with 3, possibly 4 quarterbacks.

Mike Schmidt criticizes illegible baseball autographs, but at least you can say his is actually Wade Boggs.

With the butler in jail the Pope has been conducting mass with his cassock on backwards.

Now that it’s possible to get a billion likes on Facebook my 173 not looking so impressive.

Under new Secret Service guidelines you may not share a hooker.

President Obama fled to Madison after the debate because he knew it was one place Romney wouldn’t follow.

Said all the things he neglected to mention to a bunch of undergrads listening to iTunes. Now he needs to get a Romney poster and practice saying it to his face.

Not saying there’s a sense of panic around here, but everybody is scheduling their elective surgery left and right . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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