All the News That Isn’t


With the Paulie Ryan VP pick new hope for Janesville 2020 Olympics.

The Romney people have asked Ryan to stop referring to his health plan as Medicide.

Returning to Wisconsin, Paulie Ryan says his veins are filled with cheese which, unfortunately, is no longer covered.

If he can stick his fist down a catfish gullet he should be able to do something for Mitt Romney.

Tim Pawlenty had to be talked down from atop the Paul Bunyan in Brainerd, MN.

With the elections coming down to the wire, the best indicators of the outcome are celebrity endorsements. To date:

President Obama:
Sarah Jessica Parker
George Clooney
Leonardo DiCaprio
Hillary Duff. (Hillary Duff?)
Neil Patrick Harris
Ricky Martin
Suze Orman (no pattern there)
Steven Spielberg and
Harry Osmond, the renegade Osmond.

Mitt Romney:
Porn star Jenna Jameson
Clint Eastwood
Orson Bean (still alive)
Chuck Norris
(comedian) Jeff Foxworthy
Ted Nugent
Kid Rock
Gene Simmons (makings of one really strange band)
and Brad Pitt’s mom.

You be the judge.

Polls show President Obama either pulling away from Romney or Romney backing up. Thought I heard a ding ding ding ding ding.

Drone seen over Mr. Romney’s bus.

Mr. Obama leads by a wide margin among Latinos & women–just one Latina could wrap things up. Maybe Rosie Perez.

The president has been so busy campaigning he’s really neglecting the war on religion. Not going to fight itself.

Same for the preoccupied Romney who’s only killed the one woman who needed medical care.

Biggest challenge for Romney is to finish dumbing himself down by November 6.

Mitt has really worked on his stump speech which is now down to “Give me sugar. In water.”

This whole taxes thing is so unfair–rich people don’t pay taxes and Obama knows it.

In other news that isn’t . . .

Dune buggy clearly visible in latest Mars Curiosity photo.

Olympics finishes with 3 legged races and eggs in spoons.

In closing ceremony spectacle, 100 foot wide Elton John devours 50 foot Madonna and a clip of Queen as Pussy Galore in Bond epic.

Not much left for Brazil to do in 2016.

Trading kidneys for iPhones should be less likely with new iKidney. Siri filters all your bodily fluids–just ask.

Road crew paints yellow line over Randy Travis.

Corn closes at $1,617.50 an ounce.

Getting hard to keep all the psychopaths straight. More of an editorial, there.

Drones soon available for civilian use at Drones ‘R Us.

Drone sweet drone.

Your neighbor gets one it’ll be keeping up with the droneses.

Russian punk band Pussy Riot faces 3 years in the gulag for a bad band name. When one band is imprisoned for a name, no band is free.

Have yet to hear from the Pussycat Dolls on this one.

Apple sends iTroops over the DMZ to Samsung headquarters in Seoul.

60% of farm states suffering from severe congressional drought,

and, Evidence proves that 3 human species once coexisted where now one cannot . . .

. . .That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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