All the News That Isn’t
7-16-12
The Rolling stones have a new release marking 50 years on stage, “I Can’t Get No Geriaction.”
Hey, you, get offa my tube?
California marijuana crackdown–suddenly cows not so happy. Still see the occasional dolphin, but it brings no joy.
Egyptian parliament meets at Comic Con. Their booth’s right next to “50 Shades of Grey.”
Mitt Romney demands apology from Reggie Van Dough.
Still running Bain–it’s like the mafia: you can’t quit.
Romney’s knee slapping version Camptown Races failed to arouse NAACP.
Where he made his mistake was the medley–Camptown to Swing Low to What’s Goin’ On.
Goes on record as the most boring speech ever booed.
Weren’t boos so much as gasping for breath.
Romney has cancelled his appearance before the Islamic Brotherhood and will not open for the Kings of Comedy.
Latin Grammies still up in the air.
Got to give Mitt some chutzpah for landing in Israel on the High Holy Day of Mourning. Who’s booking this guy?
President Obama now feels obliged to do the National Realtors Association.
Somali militants offer 4 camels for Obama. Thinking they meant cigarettes, the president very nearly accepted.
They have since raised the offer to 5 camels and a yacht complete with cruise couple.
Berets required baguettes optional for US Olympians.
Wearing Ralph Lauren–could have been worse, was very nearly Victoria’s Secret. Crotchless tracksuits we don’t need.
Congress discovers Affordable Care a pre-existing condition.
Did vote down Newton’s Laws. Now an apple hits him on the head it’s an Obama conspiracy.
Real reason for opposition to medical care–conservatives don’t like to share a room.
Dick Cheney raffles off old heart at Romney anti-healthcare rally.
Nothing has been heard from Mitt Romney since the grouse hunt with Dick Cheney.
Bankrupt towns in the song Route 66 up to San Bernardino. And Oklahoma City looks oh so pretty.
Looking more like either German or circumcised.
Remains found suggest earliest Americans ate a ton of fiber.
Immigration to the Americas came in 3 waves: orthodox, conservative and reform.
To lose weight, keep a journal and eat it.
Stand instead of sit 3 hours a day, you’ll live 2 years longer but be dead on your feet , and
Governor Walkers anti-healthcare op-ed in Washington Post lifted entirely from Koch Notes . . .
. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .
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