All the News That Isn’t 3-27-12

Now the trick will be getting the Etch-a-Sketch away from Rick Santorum.

Could’ve been worse; they could have called Romney a Slinky.
Mr. Potato Head more like it.

Oh, no, Mitt’s magic number was on the Etch-a-Sketch!

Still, some guys can make a Mona Lisa on one.

In a compromise, President Obama will build the lower half of the Keystone pipeline. How they get the oil sludge to Cedar Rapids is their business.

Mr. Obama’s Yes, We Can Lay Pipe moment.

Promoting his energy policy, President Obama has been hawking 200 mpg magic gas pills and throwing in a set of steak knives.

Kind of strange seeing “Inevitable” and “Romney” in the same headline.
Really, if inevitable is the best you can say about a guy . . .

After Santorum goes away Romney will again be his own worst enemy.

Little Paulie Ryan introduces his Hunger Games budget.
Aka the Ryan Bludget.
Now, grandma falls she’s not getting up.

Tim Tebow backtracks, scrambles left, spins and cuts right to the Jets training camp.

Being New Jersey, Tebow will now have to adapt to local gestures.

Soon be Broadway Tim Tebow.

Investigation reveals the New Orleans Saints had bounties on Brett Favre and Osama bin Laden. So there was an upside to it.

But Aaron Rodgers? The New Orleans Lucifers.

NASA cutbacks force it to turn to the West High Rocketry Club for launches. Astronauts are asked to meet in the cafetorium 3rd hour.

President Obama, the anti-JFK on this space thing, has vowed to get all our junk off the moon by the end of the decade.

The president has ordered a halt on the search for intelligent life in the universe and instead will try to find some here.

iPad 3 consumes enough bandwidth for a family of 6 in Weehawken. Also heats up to 116 degrees, making it the iHotwaterbottle.

Coming this fall on Bravo: The Real Hunger Games of Orange County.

Can’t find pink slime for love nor money. Been devastating for school lunch sloppy-joe’s.

Goldman-Sachs to broker the Republican convention.

Donald Driver makes an impressive Dancing With the Stars performance until he Lambeau Leaps his partner.

Avatar director James Cameron submerges to the deepest part of the ocean in preparation for Bikini Bottom 3D.

Their secret service names are out–Romney is AMC Pacer and Santorum is Cannoli.

Ron Paul has refused secret service protection because he knows darn well they’re really Men in Black. The talking puggle tipped him off.

Callista Gingrich takes de Niro’s “are we ready for a white first lady, yet?” personally. Shouldn’t.

After all he’s Rupert Pupkin, King of Comedy.

Barricades in Beloit are so far holding against the Republican invasive species. It’s Wisconsin, so I’m waiting for the primary recall election.

And the booming in Clintonville, WI, thought to be an underground Walker test site, turns out to be a 1.5 earthquake with epicenter at the Coop on county T . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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