All the News That Isn’t for 3-12-12

March 12, 2012

Huge solar flares blot out Rush Limbaugh calling somebody else a slut.

The Obama re-election film is out–Call of Duty Black Ops II.

Sarah Palin’s only reaction to Game Change is that it should have been Julia Roberts.

Peyton Manning will be put out to stud.

More hacker on hacker hacking. No honor among hackers.

Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim eats Buffet’s lunch. 68.5 billion–and that ain’t pesos.

Would be 890 billion in pesos, making Slim close to being the world’s first trillionaire. In pesos.

Dionne Warwick’s last words to Whitney: I’ll have some of that.

America faces the tough question: 2-iPad 3’s? Or 3-2’s? 6-1’s would be too many, unless you can run them in series. Kind of iPad Jumbotron.

Trying to get blue collar acceptance, Romney shows a little plumber’s butt.

Been stressing in the south that Romney very nearly rhymes with hominy.

Santorum stresses the cost savings of running church and state from the same offices.

In Mississippi, Gingrich declares for presidency of the Confederacy.

Huge Apple “the new iPad” event overshadows China’s Proviews rollout of the Original Happy Family IPAD. Actually more of a garage door opener.

Microsoft, meanwhile, responds to iPad’s retina display with the Windows 8 bifocal display.

American flight attendant freaks out, tries to demonstrate how to eject toddler through emergency row window after first verbally agreeing to exit row duties.

Coke forced to leave out the cocaine residue to avoid a cancer label. One of those scary labels with Santa with a hole in his neck.

Greece offers to nude wrestle for the debt.

Some of the more headstrong Republicans on the Hill take up shovels to dig the damn Keystone pipeline themselves. Since none of them ever used a shovel before it was largely symbolic.

The million dollar Michigan lotto winner has to give up her $200 in food stamps. The State giveth and the State taketh away, and

Now that it’s Governor John Doe of Wisconsin, there’s some question whether the whole recall has to start over . . .

. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t

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