Sexual Congress

Sexual Congress

Contraception fails in the Senate. Guess they needed a small.
Glad we finally could talk about it, though. Ironically, there is a condom machine in the Senate restroom. Got their own brand–Condomes.
The House, for its part, leans toward premature ejaculation. As is their wont. Really, with what Congress is doing to us, I wish they would wear something. I mean it shouldn’t be all the country’s responsibility.
I don’t know, I’ve got to admit I’ve always felt a little uneasy about the Pope making contraceptive policy, since, one, he’s single, and, two, I believe in separation of church and rubber. Now, state and rubber, that’s where the rubber meets the road. You’d think religious institutions would be more concerned there’s coverage enough to go around than anybody. I understand how, over at Immaculate Conception, they might have some qualms about which benefits are covered, but, Sister, a job’s a job; the guys in the office are not necessarily married to Jesus. If the Pope wants to believe the only permissible contraceptive is the priesthood, fine, but you’ve got to wonder about the reliability of the form. Probably less than rhythm. While I can’t say from personal observation, I’ve always pictured a little Trojan vendor adjacent to the comb dispenser in the seminary men’s. At this point, after all, it’s still a calling that hasn’t been answered.
Conservatives do surprise though: they don’t believe it’s the state’s duty to govern, yet it is the state’s duty–nay obligation–to check if you’re wearing one and where you got it. Granted, a lot of you are older, so it’s no longer much of an issue pour toi. Been a long time, I daresay, since Mitch McConnell walked around with the telltale circular relief of the badge of courage on his (rarely opened) wallet. Could an unwritten conservative tenet be, that state is best which screws least? Maybe, or maybe it’s just sour grapes. It’s undeniable that the whole thing got blown out of the water once the Congressional Chaplain, Mr. Limbaugh, added his two cents worth, trampling on a fundamental political rule that every “slut” is somebody’s constituent.
To those who say that Congressmen might better spend their time doing something about job creation, keeping roofs over people’s heads or keeping them one step ahead of catastrophic illness and/or natural disaster, I remind you that it is beyond question or party orientation that all of those stresses can have a serious impact on the quality of the sex we are debating here.

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One Comment on “Sexual Congress”

  1. Allison Says:


    Michael, how do you figure Santorum is winning the primary in WI? Well, I guess Joe McCarthy was from there. Still, it sits funny.


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