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5 Easy Ways to Forget the Packers-Giants Game

1. Read a book published before 1919, the year Curly Lambeau first approached Acme Packing with an idea. The Magnificent Ambersons is a good choice, and The Land That Time Forgot even better. The Time Machine, conveniently written in 1895, has the added advantage of hurling you 800,000 years into the future, by which time the Manning line should be long extinguished.

2. It’s easy as pie to cut & paste the 12-6-11 Green Bay win over NY into the TiVo record as 1-15-12, after deleting all footage of Jake Ballard’s knee wherever it may have or may not have been, as well as all insights or inseams Joe Buck had on it. I forget–where did he play his ball? On the floor of daddy’s broadcast booth?

3. Rebirthing psychology offers some surefire techniques to call up your original birth trauma, which had to have been a lot, or at least a little, worse than Sunday. Might want to check with mom first–could have been an easy birth. Transcendental Meditation is supposed to work–I don’t know. I never get past thinking about it. Still have a copy of Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out? Why not try leafing through it for flashbacks, or, failing that, have yourself cryogenically frozen like Tim Leary until there’s a cure for the Packers secondary. Yoga postures are effective at releasing stress–I recommend head down dog at the snap of the ball. going either way.

4. A manic approach to handicrafts–birdhouses, quilts, lord’s prayer on rice grains, ceramics, ships in bottles, civil war miniatures, origami, working muskets, doll repair, rosemaling a nice herring plate–is never a bad idea if you need to be in a “whatever happened to the time?” place, but go at with abandon or you’ll keep seeing Charlie Peprah’s spinning head scanning for the ball (as Pam Oliver prophetically said: “One ball, so many guys!”)

5. Get a t shirt shooter and a pal and have him fire regulation footballs at you while you try to Jermichael Finley them with gloves on. If you don’t have latex football gloves, oven mitts will do nicely for home use. Don’t overdo it –just 3 or 4 times should convince you deep down that they weren’t drops so much as fending off Rodgers’ bullets in self-defense. So begins forgiveness.

Hope this helps.

This entry was posted on January 17, 2012 at 10:17 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: 5 Ways to Forget Packers Game