All the News That Isn’t for December 5

Spontaneous Herman combustion.

Suspending the campaign will allow Cain to fund other needy women.

Unemployment drops as poor grade-schoolers flock to custodial jobs.

American Airlines now offering Disadvantage Miles.

High levels of arsenic found in Dr. Oz.

LA clears out Occupy camp by letting Dr. Drew mingle.

Ramses leading in Egyptian elections.

The San Diego-Tijuana drug tunnel now running medical marijuana south.

Give and take in San Francisco–no circumcisions but no Happy Meals.

iPhone’s Siri reluctant on the question because she had an abortion–you remember Newton.

Foster kids get all the meds–no fair!!

Gingrich immigration plan will have country swarming with newts.

Hillary presses Burma: enough with the cats, already.

Republicans extend payroll tax cuts to all child custodians.

Chevy Volt rebranded as Chevy George Forman Grill.

After Cain withdrawal stupid people no longer ruin the country.

Michael Jackson doctor Conrad Murray sentenced to own care.

Romney flop-flips.

Google maps can now get you out of IKEA.

It was Kim Kardashian’s nude yoga head-down dog that iced the marriage.
Wi-Fi damages sperm, which explains why there are so few sperm on Facebook.

and Packers stock offered; your certificate plus a dollar gets you a ride on the Ashwaubenon bus . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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