All the News That Isn’t for 11-28-11


Black & Blue Friday followed by Cyber Attack Monday.

Just my luck to shop where the UC-Davis cops do.

Trampled, sprayed and beaten–but a 3 pack of Gerber’s Onesies for three bucks! Makes you want to have kids again.


The woman who peppered sprayed Walmart got ’em for 3 for a dollar. At that price why not? And they were made in the USA.

A nice Thanksgiving dinner with the overextended family and friends with nowhere to go. Then into the camo and grease to infiltrate the mall.

Some great deals, though–ER room half-off on sutures, 2 for 1 on flesh wounds.

In other news–

President Obama announces a drawdown of Black Friday forces. Will leave advisers at Walmart.

Been tough for the President. You know it’s a rough year when you don’t pardon the turkey. Use the White House tree for kindling.

Egyptians spend Thanksgiving in Tahrir square–maybe not all the trimmings but at least they were all together.

The three American kids who threw firebombs off the roof in Cairo as part of senior year abroad are released into the custody of the UC-Davis police.

The Chancellor at the UC-Davis says she told them to use the salt spray.

The good news is Fox says pepper spray is a food product. And tear gas is great for dry eye.

NASA launches the Mars lander Curiosity to kill any cats on the Red Planet.

Newt comes in first in the Macy’s parade, edging out Snoopy.

Newt’s humane policy on illegals–spay ’em.

Kinect controller for Windows will let you play Call of Duty 3 with your email.

Tests reveal that baby is really Justin Bieber’s brother.

Scientists startled to find earth’s core is bubble gum. The earth is one big Blow-Pop.

Pair of tickets for Romney at “The Book of Mormon” still sitting at will call.

T-Mobile polka-dot dress girl yanked from the tracks seconds before AT&T express roars through. Always hoped she’d get together with the Mac boy.

Packers win Turkey Bowl in Detroit after Ndamukong Suh is ejected for Zombie Apocalypse. He just can’t knock ’em down and not beat ’em up.

Mexico puts up fence to keep Arizonans in.

US goes after medical marijuana just as my corneas are ripening.

George W. Bush Library so far has only The Pet Goat on the shelves.

Here in Wisconsissippi, embryos demand personhood with the Occupy Womb amendment.

Zygotes are assumed to lean Republican, but once they become blastulas their thinking gets a bit more complex. Look for gerrymandered wombs from the Republican majority. . .

and The Wisconsin Badgers give Penn State more reason to look within, 45-7 . . .

That’s All the News That Isn’t . . .

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