2015: All the News That Wasn’t

All the News That Wasn’t for 2015
January: Candidate Scott Walker takes his first foreign trip ever to the UP.

February: Mike Huckabee compares being gay to drinking because he’s only gay when he drinks.

March: Hillary’s emails will be released just as soon as Bill’s Snapchats are pulled out.

April: New England Patriot Act: you can collect a guy’s data but you can’t deflate a guy’s balls.

May: President Obama calls a Gulf Summit and only two guys from Gulfport show up.

June: Canadian creationist discovers 60 year old T-Rex.

July: Pope Francis clarifies his remarks by saying that “fettered capitalism, however, only faintly reeks of the dung of the devil.”

August: At the Iowa State Fair woman pulls Trump hair, head falls off.

September: House of Representatives votes down Planned Parenthood, gives every planned child 30 days to get out.

October: Playboy to no longer feature nudes in the magazine; generations of boys will now grow up never knowing what a naked lady does not look like.

November: Dow jumps 150 points–if a world in chaos is what it takes for my IRA, so be it.

December: Human brains are neither male nor female unless she says they are.339a158e77cd4c998fed05cd9cac6ed3-donr61

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